Dear Plano High School Students —
Back in the day, I was a good but not great high-school student until the end of my junior year, when I watched the senior graduation and saw the kids who were singled out for honors. I was determined to walk among those honor students during my senior graduation and worked hard to make straight A’s in my senior year. Likewise, I was a solid B student my freshman year of college until I saw the name of my then-girlfriend in the school newspaper for making the honor roll. I didn’t make a grade below an A for the remaining three years of college.
You know why? Because I didn’t want to feel excluded. There was no better motivating factor for me than the thought of seeing my friends being recognized where I was not. It may have been petty jealousy, but sometimes that’s the motivation we need the most.
Meanwhile, in your town of Plano, Texas, that motivating factor has been stripped away from you. The honor students among you will not be recognized during your graduation ceremony this year, because the school doesn’t want anyone to feel excluded.
When they started handing out participation trophies in Little League, we sat in silence. When they stopped keeping score because we didn’t want our children to understand what losing meant, we sat in silence. When they started grading students based on proficiency instead of performance, we sat quietly. When every child got a sticker, no matter how half-assed their effort, we said nothing.
But then they came for you, our nation’s finest: The honor students. The nerds. They took away the warm glow you would have gotten to feel for four years of hard work. No longer will you be designated a special class. You’ll be treated just like everyone else — from the kids who looked off of your homework, to the assholes who threw you in trash cans at lunch every day, to the burnouts who were too stoned to do their homework, to the jocks who kicked your asses daily.
And so I say this to all of my fellow nerds: They may take away your honor status, but they cannot take away your future! Life is a slow burn, so you’ll just have to settle for knowing that one day, life’s plot points will pay off. One day, you’ll be a successful engineer, computer programmer, doctor, lawyer or #content provider, and they will be used car salesmen voting for men like Donald Trump and controlling our nation’s cultural narrative, which always aims for the lowest common denominator.
At least you’ll get to enjoy four years of college and three years of grad school and hundreds of thousands of dollars in debt that will take the rest of your life to pay off. Use that time wisely. Get laid often.
Your fellow nerd,