Love Actually. Romantic comedy-drama celebrating love and romance? Or an anti-fat body shaming buffet of image issues and emotional struggles. SPOILER, Y’ALL, IT’S THAT LAST BIT.
First we have Billy Mack. Billy has myriad issues and chooses to project them on his manager Joe, who cannot possibly be getting paid enough.
“Wouldn’t it be great if number one this Christmas wasn’t some smug teenager, but an old ex-heroin addict searching for a comeback at any price? All those young popsters, come Christmas Day, they’ll be stretched out naked with a cute bird balancing on their balls, and I’ll be stuck in some dingy flat with me manager, Joe, ugliest man in the world, fucking miserable because our fucking gamble didn’t pay off.”
“The fuck did I do?”
Then on live radio after being named the number-one song, here’s how he responds to the query of what he’ll be doing that evening:
“I could behave like a real rock-and-roll loser, and get drunk with my fat manager, or when I hang up I’ll be flooded by invitations to a large number of glamorous parties. “
But then, a Christmas miracle. He gets super loving and kind.
“As dire chance and fateful cock-up would have it, here I am, mid-fifties, and without knowing it, I’ve gone and spent most of my adult life with a chubby employee.”
That’s a face that says “thanks, Bill; I’m touched.”
Don’t worry, he’s not done complimenting him yet. He goes on to say, “It’s a terrible, terrible mistake, chubs. But you turned out to be the fucking love of my life.”
Also, lest we forget, Emma Thompson is wearing body padding throughout the movie to appear frumpier. She wore a fat suit because heaven forfend a man cheat on his thin spouse. He would only deign to such endeavors if his wife was a solid size 12 and wore long skirts. Obviously.
I think I hate this movie.
Then there’s Aurelia’s sister whose entire presence is a joke and that joke is “LOL SHE DOESN’T LOOK LIKE AURELIA, THIS BITCH RIGHT HERE, LMAOOOOO.”
HE CAN’T GET RID OF HER BECAUSE SHE IS NOT AS THIN AS HER SISTER LOLLLLLLLLLLMYRIBSHURTFROMTHELOLLLLL
No, but it’s OK though, because her sister calls her “skinny” so they’re totes even. Totally equivalent. Just as bad. THIS IS AN ELECTION METAPHOR.
Yeah girl, you’re definitely going to want to inhabit in England and escape this abusive-ass family.
And then of course there’s Natalie.
First, she and her garbagemonster boyfriend break up because of her thighs.
Even Bellino the Castrato from the David Tennant Casanova thinks she’s a fat sack of shit.
And her dad calls her PLUMPY. PLUMPY.
“Here, Prime Minister Dave, meet my garbageass family who calls me PLUMPY. Let’s ride in a car with a fucking octopus if I can fit my enormous thighs in the backseat. FUCK YOU ALL.”
Finally, we have the tremendously romantic final moment between Natalie and Prime Minister Hugh Grant where she leaps into his arms, they kiss passionately and he says to her…
God dammit, movie.
25 Days of Love Actually Archive:
Day 17 (there was no Day 17 because of snow reasons or something)
Day 18: Part 2