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A Line By Line Breakdown of Everything Gross & Wrong With Trump's Defense of Roger Ailes

By Vivian Kane | Miscellaneous | July 25, 2016 |

By Vivian Kane | Miscellaneous | July 25, 2016 |

Last week, after reports of decades of sexual harassment and coercion were made public, Roger Ailes finally stepped down as the chairman and CEO of Fox News. The allegations against Ailes were so widespread, long-running, and wholly disgusting that even Rupert Murdoch had to give him the boot. Hell, even Glenn Beck took the side of reason and supported Megyn Kelly when she voiced her own accusations.

If these two men could find it in their shriveled Fox News hearts to call a monster a monster, is there anyone who can’t?

Yes, obviously. And it’s Donald Goddamn Trump.

In an interview with NBC’s Meet the Press, Trump shared what passes for thoughts on the matter when asked if Ailes was advising him.

Let’s break that down line by line, shall we? Because there is both so much and so little packed into those two paragraphs that the weight of its vapid suckforce is likely to cause your brain to fall in on itself.

Well, I don’t want to comment.

Yes, you fucking do. There’s nothing Trump loves more than the sound of his own voice. There’s literally nothing he wouldn’t talk about, if the choice was between talking about it and not talking at all.

He’s been a friend of mine for a long time

Really, all we need to know about both men here.

And I can tell you that some of the women that are complaining, I know how much he’s helped them, and even recently.

Yeah, that’s the exact point of this entire situation. He’s been in a position of power for decades, and in addition to many men and women with whom sex probably didn’t play into their professional relationships, he’s also repeatedly exploited that position to “help” women if they “help” him. Like, pants-wise.

And when they write books that are fairly recently released, and they say wonderful things about him.

YEAH, A MILLION DUHS. Again, this is the entire point. Shocking, right, that a gross old man helps a young, blonde pundit get her book published, spending (as the allegations against him suggest) that time making advances and requesting or implying that there should be some sort of gross trade system. That woman then has to choose between denying his influence in her field and possibly losing that book deal, or saying “wonderful things about him,” especially when releasing or promoting that book. Does Trump really somehow not hear himself describing that exact situation.

And now all of a sudden they’re saying these horrible things about him.

Uh huh. That’s what happens when A) you’re not trying to get a book published at the moment, and B) Others have taken the risk to step forward to pave the way and create credibility that is otherwise so often denied (LIKE TRUMP IS DENYING RIGHT NOW).

It’s very sad

That’s #1 on the Trump Drinking Game.

Because he’s a very good person.
No he’s not.
I’ve always found him to be just a very, very good person.

No, really. He’s not. You can’t just put two verys in there and acbracadasshole us into thinking he’s a decent human.

And by the way, a very, very talented person.

This has nothing to do with what we’re talking about.

Look what he’s done.

We are.

So I feel very badly.

I was going to point out with a big ol’ “well, actually” that no, he doesn’t feel badly. He feels bad. To feel badly (an adverb) would mean he has a sociopathic inability to feel, and then I realized that this is the only true thing Trump has said in maybe ever.

But a lot of people are thinking he’s going to run my campaign.

It’s a match made in sociopathy.