After eighty-two years, the folks behind Monopoly have decided — after a worldwide fan poll — to ditch the least popular game piece, the thimble.
The thimble. The game piece of those who decided to get a drink while the board was being set up, the game piece of those who couldn’t get the dog or the car because your cousin Jessica called dibs before you even opened up the box. The thimble, with its mocking, bland mediocrity. The thimble, the boring buzzkill piece you end up wearing on your pinkie because Uncle Mike just took the last of the good property and it’s just one more insult to add to the injury of having to be the thimble. The thimble, the Monopoly equivalent of being picked last in gym class.
People fight not to be the thimble. Think about it. If someone you know wants to be the thimble instead of fighting to the death for the dog, it’s time to reexamine that relationship.
And yet, there’s a nostalgia for the thimble. A symbol of our youth. The good ol’ thimble is as American as apple pie, a member of the original Monopoly crew. The most boring of inanimate objects. The piece you really didn’t want because you really wanted to be the damn Scottie dog, at least once but now you’re stuck with the damn thimble. Again! And that disappointment has happened so often that all you feel when you see that thimble is that mockery of the disappointments of your youth!
So good riddance, game piece of charlatans. I hope you’re replaced with a penguin.