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"You Guys Missed the Mural in the Hidden Basement Compartment! Go Back!"

By Genevieve Burgess | Miscellaneous | March 12, 2014 |

By Genevieve Burgess | Miscellaneous | March 12, 2014 |

Criminal Minds on CBS at 9:00pm ET. Sometimes I watch this show and I see these elaborate schemes the killer have concocted specifically to test the wildly intelligent FBI profilers with vast cultural knowledge of literature, history, and other arcane information they weave into their clues. And then I wonder if there have ever been killers who took such time and care with their crimes, only to be disappointed and frustrated by police who took one look at all that and went “mmmmm, just gonna nope the fuck outta here” and tracked them down through, like, parking tickets or credit card purchases. “BUT YOU CAN’T CATCH ME YET!! You haven’t even solved the first puzzle that would have led you to the video clue where I recite random lines of Shakespeare’s sonnets backwards for an hour while compulsively washing my hands. THAT’S THE KEY TO EVERYTHING!!” In other news, I, apparently, have a spec script to write.

Psych on USA at 9:00pm ET.

The Americans on FX at 10:00pm ET.

Nashville on ABC at 10:00pm ET. The show that proved that while the magical hair of Connie Britton can generate interest in a show, it can’t actually hold it without a decent script and competent co-stars.

Broad City on Comedy Central at 10:30pm ET.

Genevieve Burgess also needs to remember to include a scene where a lab assistant just laughs at the idea that DNA evidence can be processed in less than 24 hours.

Genevieve Burgess is a Features Contributor for Pajiba. You can follow Genevieve Burgess on Twitter.

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