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The New Depressing American Dream

By Genevieve Burgess | Miscellaneous | March 18, 2014 |

By Genevieve Burgess | Miscellaneous | March 18, 2014 |

ABC Special: Marvel Studios: Assembling a Universe on ABC at 8:00pm ET. This seems relevant to some of your interests.

Glee on Fox at 8:00pm ET. 100th episode.

Brooklyn Nine-Nine on Fox at 9:30pm ET.

Barry’d Treasure on A&E at 10:00pm ET. A new spin-off from the Storage Wars crew, because apparently the fantasy that Americans are clinging to these days is that some of their junk is valuable enough to lift them out of misery. As far as fantasies go, I’m not particularly impressed, but I think Dish network ruined me with their ads featuring petite lap giraffes.

Chasing Maria Menounos on Oxygen at 10:00pm ET. Series premiere. Maria Menounos is the daughter of Greek immigrant parents and is fluent in Greek. She interviewed President Bush, covered an earthquake in El Salvador in 2001, and interviewed NATO aircrew members during Operation Eagle Assist. She’s worked as an entertainment reporter for over a decade, and has done some acting work. She has also competed in the WWE, or I guess I should say performed in the WWE. Basically, she is a woman with an extremely varied and fascinating life and she is only 35. So, I’ll give you three guesses as to what the first episode of her reality series is about. Alright, got the possibilities in your head? Great. The episode is titled “Tick, Tock, Biological Clock.” *burns everything*

Genevieve Burgess is sure there’s some terrible downside to petite lap giraffes but we can cross that bridge when we come to it.

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Genevieve Burgess is a Features Contributor for Pajiba. You can follow Genevieve Burgess on Twitter.