“Royal Pains” on USA at 9 p.m. ET
“Spell-mageddon” on ABC Family at 9 p.m. ET. Series premiere. This is a new “extreme spelling-bee” where the contestants have to spell words while navigating challenges like running an obstacle course, being blasted with cold air, getting strapped to a fork and dipped in a giant pie, or while strobe lights and loud noises are used to try and distract them. Hosted by Alfonso Ribeiro. Anecdote time! When I was a slightly shorter but much lankier version of myself, my dad would tease my brother and I every time we went to Blockbuster that he was going to rent us “That spelling-bee movie.” I can’t tell you how happy it must make him that not only is there a spelling-bee movie now, but also a spelling-bee TV show.
“The Bridge” on FX at 10 p.m. ET
“Joe Rogan Questions Everything” on SyFy at 10 p.m. ET. Series premiere. What I have learned from Joe Rogan and Jenny McCarthy is that if you really nail hosting one awful TV show on a cable network, you never have to look for work again for some reason. There will be someone out there willing to put you on TV again no matter what. Clearly, my professional goals should have been less “graduate degree” and more “farting on TV in a bikini with a questionable dye-job.”
“Camp” on NBC at 10 p.m. ET
Genevieve Burgess would like to pretend she’s above farting on TV in a bikini for a bunch of money, but at this point let’s just say that rates are negotiable.