I watch a lot of Hulu — it’s required if you are a fan of The Flash and also Gordon Ramsey and also Fresh Off The Boat and also UnReal (which is so much better than it has any need to be). And because I watch a lot of Hulu, I have seen a specific Hot Pocket commercial a bunch. Like, ballpark I’ve seen it 2,600 times. You know the one I’m talking about.
What is the giant structure on top of the house? Does it generate power? Is it a Tesla Coil? Wouldn’t it have been easier to adapt the roof for solar?
Is the power company aware you’ve diverted power lines from the street to the house?
Is that a painting of a Hot Pocket with wings? Is it concept art? Is one of you trying to recreate MASK but with Hot Pockets instead of cars?
Is that an ancient Roman frat paddle on the wall in your hallway?
What is that guy welding? Is this a Project Mayhem situation? I don’t trust you, bland frat guy.
Home is where the HP is. How did all of you find each other? Was it Hot Pocket related, or did you discover your love of Hot Pockets afterward and realize you had been brought here for a reason, like in Clue?
Those skateboards are too small, right? Or is that an optical illusion that makes them look small? Or did a grandmother of one of the Hot Pocket house roommates think she was getting him a great Christmas gift? If that’s the case, props for using them as decor. Grandparents are important.
The Hot Pockets have a dedicated freezer — are they the only food in the house? Why are there extra air ducts attached to this freezer? A standard freezer is perfectly fine for Hot Pockets.
Do those stairs lead to the tesla coil?
Why do you need a giant clock on the wall when you have six different microwaves with digital clocks on them? Does anyone get obsessed with making sure they are all running the exact same time? It would drive me crazy if one of my six microwaves was a minute ahead.
Did anyone ask ‘why’ we should have a homemade skydiving chamber in the house?
How often do neighbors call the police about your home?
Was the house already mostly red before you became obsessed with Hot Pockets? Was that just a happy accident?
Which roommate decided to antique the paint job on your Hot Pockets laptop desk? Because it’s a really nice touch.
Why can’t that guy get out of the chamber to eat? Is he being punished?
Is that a painting of a volcano or a horse with a comet flying out of its head? I feel like knowing this is key to the entire commercial.
Are Hot Pockets being microwaved at all times in case of people starving up in here?
Is the guy dressed as the weird kid in the department store Santa line in A Christmas Story in charge of rationing the Hot Pockets? Is he not aware that Hot Pockets come in a cardboard Hot Pockets holder to protect his hand from the heat?
The guy inside the skydiving chamber is wearing appropriate safety gear, but the refueler clearly isn’t. Has anyone considered the ramifications of a head injury at the Hot Pocket house?
If there isn’t any dubstep dropping, are you even eating Hot Pockets?
The Hot Pocket was hot enough to require tongs, but the skydiver grabs it with his bare hands.
Did the Hot Pocket energize him to do those tricks, like Popeye and spinach?
What is that bulletin board behind the skydiving chamber? It looks like one of those missing person boards that goes up after a disaster. Are they using Hot Pockets to fuel their search for severe weather survivors?
Wait, are those katana swords to the left of the bulletin board? Holy shit, this is like the Twin Peaks of Hot Pockets commercials. Just so many layers.
With a diet of strictly premium pepperoni and 100% real cheese, how tough is it to take a dump in that house? Like, there has to be some serious strain up in here. Because Hot Pockets make it hard to poop.