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20 Thoughts That Run Through Your Mind When You Wake Up Hungover On A Tuesday

By Petr Knava | Miscellaneous | March 8, 2016 |

By Petr Knava | Miscellaneous | March 8, 2016 |

1. Shit.

2. What the hell is going on?

3. Oh. It’s okay. It’s okay. Just hungover. Relax. Relax. You’ve done this before. Thank god it’s Saturday.

4. Wait a minute…

5. Shit! It’s a Tuesday!

6. Why the hell am I hungover on a goddamn Tuesday?!

7. Because you got drunk on a Monday. Urghhhhhh. Everything hurts.

8. Du… du hast… du hast mich.

9. And why have I got Rammstein in my head?

10. Why wouldn’t you have Rammstein in your head?

11. Good point. Argh. Christ. My head. Whose goddamn idea was the goddamn tequila?

12. Yours. You bellend.

13. I gotta get me some cheese.

14. Never mind the cheese. FIND SOME COFFEE!

15. Dude. Don’t shout. Everything hurts. This isn’t as easy as it used to be.

16. Okay. Who can help?

17. Help with what?

18. This. Someone must be able to stop this.

19. Noppppppppe. This is all you. You’re on your own, and there’s only the one way through this. The thing that confuses me is that you said you would ‘just have one drink.’ Why would you say that? Never say that. If there’s one way to guarantee the arrival of total oblivion it is to proclaim out loud that you can but sip lightly from its well. Why haven’t they invented hangover-free booze yet? No, that’d be stupid. You can’t divorce the pain from the fun. It’s cause and effect. The consequence must follow the act. Good and bad. It’s symbolic and shit.

20. I need a Bloody Mary.



When he’s not too hungover to move, Petr Knava plays music

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Petr is a staff contributor. You can follow him on Twitter.