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Day 15: What the F*ck Is this Christmas Pageant All About Anyway? - 25 Days of 'Love Actually'

By Courtney Enlow | Love Actually | December 15, 2016 |

By Courtney Enlow | Love Actually | December 15, 2016 |

Day 15 and Netflix still hasn’t contacted me for a wellness check. I’m sure it’s coming.

Everything about this movie is so deeply concerning and distracting that there’s a bunch of children dressed as sea creatures at one point and we don’t even talk about it. So let’s talk about it.

Off the bat, we know lobsters are involved.


I mean, I went to Catholic school, so maybe this is my educated bias showing, but they weren’t involved. There weren’t lobsters. Not canonically. I mean, if we’re being real, the whole story might just be made up, so there might as well be lobsters, but in terms of doctrine, no lobsters.

I thought, perhaps this is a secular Christmas kind of thing. Except the program does in fact have a Christian school’s involvement…


…and it’s otherwise super Jesussy.


Also, all the parents had to make their own costumes, which is VERY annoying.



Thomas Brodie-Sangster decides not only to join the pageant with less than two weeks till Christmas (we know because it’s in the portion of the movie labelled TWO WEEKS TILL CHRISTMAS and it’s pretty far into said portion) but to learn how to drum in that same timeframe. For a massively big deal, they clearly don’t care *that* much about it.

And then it’s time for the show itself, which is held ON CHRISTMAS EVE. Christmas Eve. WHEN THERE IS SHIT TO DO. WHEN THERE ARE FAMILY PARTIES TO ATTEND. All the local schools are involved.

And the performance itself…*shakes head* features:



A whale.






And the baby from American Sniper.


And then Sam’s school features, in addition to Sam, Joanna and the teachers, what appears to be the JTP from The Goldbergs.


Also Jack and Judy are there. Because after five weeks of simulated cunnilingus, sometimes you need to go watch some children sing.


And then two adults, one of whom is the Prime Minister, start making out and everyone is super chill with it. The end. Merry Christmas.

25 Days of Love Actually Archive:

Day 1
Day 2
Day 3
Day 4
Day 5
Day 6
Day 7
Day 8
Day 9
Day 10
Day 11
Day 12
Day 13
Day 14
Day 15
Day 16
Day 17 (there was no Day 17 because of snow reasons or something)
Day 18
Day 18: Part 2
Day 19
Day 20
Day 21
Day 22
Day 23
Day 24
Day 25