No, you aren’t suffering an election-anxiety-driven break with reality. Mel “The Jews Are Responsible For All The Wars In The World” Gibson was on The Late Show last night.
Yeah, the former star of Lethal Weapon, Braveheart, and That Phone Call Where He Told the Mother of His Child That If She Gets Raped by a Pack of [Super Racist Expletive Deleted], It Will Be Her Fault is back and palling around with our Stephen.
Oh, and hey Stephen?
But I guess if they’re going to put in the effort of pretending that Gibson is someone we can welcome back with open arms, we should at least see what he’s offering.
HAHAHAHAHA! That line about it being better to love or be loved depending on how tired you are? That’s extra funny because of that one time that Gibson threatened to set fire to his girlfriend’s house but not before sexually assaulting her! And he would tell his younger-self to shut the hell up! Because believing incredibly racist, sexist, anti-Semitic things is fine as long as you aren’t saying it out loud!
Hold on, there’s a second part!
*Realizes full interview is 22-minutes long.*
Uh-huh, fuck this. I’m not watching your bullshit, you shit-house rat lunatic. Because I don’t buy for one second that your abusive, racist tirades had anything to do with a drinking problem. And why do I think that? Because you’ve been saying crazy, hate-filled trash since 1991. You said you wanted to kill a movie critic and his dog because he didn’t like your snuff film of a movie. That was 2003. When you were supposedly at the top of your game. You said you’d apologize to gays and lesbians for all of the homophobic things you said when hell freezes over. Because they can screw off. You told the woman you loved that she deserved to be hit after you physically assaulted her twice because you are a piece of shit.
As my friend and colleague Petr pointed out, “Dickhead trying to sneak back in while we’re all distracted by a bigger, orange-er dickhead. Classic dickhead tactic.” Only we’re actually able to make sure we remember how horrible two different dickheads are at the same time. No one wants you back, you backward has-been. Fuck off forever.