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When You Put Garbage Into A Garbage Machine, You Surprisingly Get Garbage

By Emily Cutler | Late Night TV | November 3, 2017 |

By Emily Cutler | Late Night TV | November 3, 2017 |

I’m not a parent, I plan to never become a parent, and if I were ever to accidentally become a parent, I’m pretty sure I’d qualify as a “mother.” But none of that stops me from loving the shit out of dad jokes. I’ve got a ton, and I’m happy to share them in the comments (you just wait for my Twinkie joke). But for this case, I need to tell you one specific joke:

Knock knock.
Who’s there?
Dwayne who?
Dwayne the tub, I’m dwowning.

If my mother is reading this, she just started laughing.

It’s a bad joke, but that doesn’t stop me from telling it to people, particularly children. It’s an easy joke for kids to get, and I don’t say any swears in it. And when children try to retell that joke, they inevitably fuck it up. Because they’re children, and stupid (again, I’m not going to have kids. Settle).

Why would a clip detailing the President’s tax plan remind me of children botching the delivery of a very easy joke?

I mean. You get it, right? Here’s the most important part: Trump’s an idiot who literally cannot say “diversity,” but he didn’t write that shitty tax plan. Clearly. I tell children a terrible joke, and they make it worse. But it’s still a shitty joke. Paul Ryan, Mitch McConnell, and Co. are backing a racist, idiot mistake of a president under the hopes that they can pass tax cuts for billionaires, and this is the tax plan. This garbage is why they’ve kept a garbage president who says and does garbage things (and seriously, cannot read). It would be funny if it weren’t so sad.

*Watches Trump struggle to say “diversity” again*

Ok, it’s still a little funny.