As I’m usually the one on the late night beat around here, and Samantha Bee, Stephen Colbert, and Seth Meyers all seemed to have taken the week off without telling me (dicks), it’s fallen on Jimmy Kimmel to supply me with interesting enough segments that I don’t have to create a post full cloth. And, by god, James Percival Kimmel did not disappoint.
Dead. On. Balls. Accurate.
What Mr. Kimmel overlooked addressing is the reality of the situation if Emma Stone had said yes. Consider:
— Emma Stone just went to the Oscars. Where she won an Oscar. Your prom will, with absolute certainty, be underwhelming.
— You know how prom is supposed to be the “best night of your life”? Nope, this just became the “Emma Stone Show.” Everyone at that prom, including the teachers, is going to try to talk to her.
— Which might actually be a good thing because Emma Stone is a stranger to you, Young Mr. Gosling Hopeful. You basically just asked to sign onto five or six hours of awkward small talk with an adult. That’s what you tried really hard for.
— Also, on the real, I understand that there’s a slight difference due to celebrity and fan service, but this move is just a step above buying a giant bouquet of flowers for the woman you see on the train each day who definitely doesn’t know you. Using a grand gesture to introduce yourself to someone is creepy and weird, and needs to be discouraged at every level.
So don’t do this. Stop asking celebrities to any and all dances, balls, galas or banquets. Go with someone you know. Or better yet go with a group of someones you know since you’ll end up spending most of the night dicking around with them anyway. But leave Emma Stone out of it.