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John Oliver Is Clearly Trying To Speak To Us, But What Is He Trying To Say?

By Emily Cutler | Last Week Tonight | March 28, 2016 |

By Emily Cutler | Last Week Tonight | March 28, 2016 |

Where once I was thrilled to believe that John Oliver was carefully monitoring the Pajiba community responding to our requests, I am now afraid.

He’s clearly trying to contact us. A post about conspiracy theories that includes Cadbury Creme Eggs? It’s self-evident. The larger questions are: what is he trying to tell us, and why can’t he just say it directly?

Is he pleased that we made him our sexy nerd king? Or is he angry that he has to share our love with 9 others? Given his relatively quick rise into celebrity maybe he knows his unchecked ego could play badly in the public, but he wants to make sure we know that we will have no others before him? Just tell us the levels of worship and sacrifice you need, John. We can make that happen.

Or does the “egg” part of Cadbury Creme Eggs signal a new beginning? That he needs to remake himself and emerge anew? Maybe he’s giving up on the show because the corporate and government forces controlling HBO won’t let him do the show he needs to do. The Master Emperor of the Illuminati would never let Oliver reveal anything important. This was clearly a smoke screen. (Fun fact, a lot of people believe Jay-Z, Beyonce or George W. Bush are in charge of the Illuminati. This is false. The true leader is Jason Sudeikis, but only when he’s dressed as George W.)
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Or does he just know of the coming Pajiba Civil War of Those Who Understand Cadbury Creme Eggs Are Garbage and Those Who Are Stupid? Is he telling us that he’s on our side? That those who don’t understand they’re eating mermaid placenta covered in candle wax will be doomed to torture and agony at the hands of the true believers? Does he hate TK?

Ok, so maybe not all of those are unsolvable, government plots.