After Sh*tshow Meeting with the Press, President-Elect Snow Bypasses Them and Goes to YouTube

By Dustin Rowles | Horror | November 21, 2016 |

By Dustin Rowles | Horror | November 21, 2016 |

Earlier today, President-elect Trump met with leading members of the major networks and the Washington press corp for an off-the-record meeting to discuss future access to his administration. According to the NYPost, it was a “f***kin firing squad,” which saw Donald Trump berate everyone in the room for being deceitful lying liars of lies who got everything wrong. He shamed Jeff Zucker, made references to Katy Tur, called out Martha Raddatz for crying when Hillary lost (Raddatz probably wasn’t crying over Hillary’s loss, she was probably crying over the impending loss of Democracy) and tried to embarass everyone in the room for getting it so wrong.

If the Post’s account is accurate — and not just a bunch of made-up comments from a Trump alter-ego — it is both chilling and moronic. The chilling part is how he’s clearly trying to control the media, and the moronic part is how it will (hopefully) backfire, because the people you really don’t want to piss off are the ones meant to report on your administration for the next four years. I mean, I understand yelling at the refs occasionally, but if you yell at them too much you’re not likely to get those close calls.

Anyway, after the meeting — whether it was by design or not — President Snow decided to bypass the media, which he has barely spoken to since Election Day, and speak straight to the people. On YouTube. Because he’s clearly under the assumption that we want to watch his sphincter mouth read from a teleprompter for two minutes rather than answer questions that might ask him to explain, clarify, or expand upon his positions.

Trump hasn’t held a press conference since July, by the way, and no modern President-elect has gone this long after winning without giving a news conference.

The gist of the video was this: In his first 100 days, he will withdraw from the Trans-Pacific partnership; he will develop a plan to protect American’s infrastructure from cyberattacks (?); he’ll look into the abuse of Visas; and he’ll bring back those clean-coal jobs that no company has any intention of offering, All of the promises he made can be done through executive action, while he made no mention of any of his more controversial legislative proposals, like building a wall or repealing Obamacare.

Mostly, it’s just really hard to watch words come out of his cloaca without silently retching on the inside.

It will only be a matter of months before he beams those video messages from Panem’s capital straight onto our laptops and smart devices. I’m sure each message will come with a preroll advertisement for Trump Towers.