The Sh*tballs Craziest Moments from 'Hannibal': 'Digestivo'

By Cindy Davis | Hannibal | July 20, 2015 |

By Cindy Davis | Hannibal | July 20, 2015 |

With another series, the minute you observed a person sewed up inside a dead horse being cut out of that horse, you might feel you’d seen it all. But, with Bryan Fuller’s Hannibal, it’s just another week of The Most Delightful Madness We’ve Ever Been Privileged to Witness. As each episode concludes, we simply cannot fathom that anyone — regardless of audience levels — would choose to end the madness. It’s like telling Da Vinci to stop painting; are they fucking nuts? And, since NBC cherried on top their cancellation with a toss off to Saturdays, they’ve basically condemned a master’s works to the Home Decor section of the Walmart, but you and I know Hannibal’s true worth, and we’re buying up these episodes like Elaine hoarded discontinued sponges.

We’ll ride out these last six episodes holding hands as tightly as Hannibal held onto that last moment of disbelief (eyes closed against the incomprehensibility of Will’s words) when Graham told Lecter he didn’t want to know where Hannibal was anymore. We’ll fight off our own incredulity that the series is ending just as Hannibal did (turning himself over to Jack) — WE WANT YOU TO KNOW EXACTLY WHERE WE ARE, AND WHERE YOU CAN ALWAYS FIND US (*everyone glare at NBC*). “The most stable elements…appear in the middle of the periodic table, roughly between iron and silver. Between iron and silver. I think that is appropriate for you [us].” (Thomas Harris, Hannibal)

Instead of dissecting “Digestivo’s” every word, this week we’ll have a look at some of the episode’s shitballs craziest moments, which could in fact include nearly every scene, but we’ll narrow it down the the balls-out bananas-iest.

1. “You’re Going to Eat Him with My Face? (“No pajama party for you!”)

Will hears Mason’s plans for himself and Hannibal, promptly bites off a hunk of Cordell’s smug face and spits it on his plate…

Daddy is so proud!

2. Cordell Sears Hannibal’s Back with the Verger Brand; Hannibal doesn’t flinch.

Clearly, Hannibal has mastered the art of Zen.

3. Alana Cuts Hannibal Free.

What? Who? What? Of all the ways Hannibal might’ve gotten out of his predicament, I’d never have expected Alana to ever lift a finger to help. He promises — and delivers — Mason’s death. But he also reminds Alana that he always keeps his promises, so I’d guess Alana’s not long for this world.

4. Margot Discovers Mason Implanted Their Baby in — what else — a pig.

As soon as Mason mentioned a surrogate, our collective minds all went there — but still…seeing that sownigram, and Alana delivering the baby to Margot was almost too much to boar bear. Which of course led to another wonderfully wicked, alternate Harris-history moment — and a wicked one-two punch.

5. Mason Wakes with Cordell’s Face…to-face Alana and Margot, finds out he’s been stimulated to procreate again, and has eel for dinner (of course, the eel has him for dinner, too).

I’m not sure if that can be considered some sort of warped ouroboros, but readers were yet again rewarded with a twist on the (Harris) tale. With nods to Silence, Hannibal, and Red Dragon, “Digestivo” was the ultimate episode.

6. Will Breaks Up with Hannibal. (Hannibal refuses to accept not being in Will’s life.) Hannibal turns himself in to Jack.

“I miss my dogs, but I’m not gonna miss you. I’m not going to find you. I’m not going to look for you. I don’t want to know where you are or what you do. I don’t want to think about you anymore.” (Hannibal thinking to himself: Liar, liar, pants on fire…”)

Hannibal’s equation to turn back time:

Favorite lines:

“They are identically different, Hannibal and Will.” (Jack)

“I don’t have your appetite. Goodbye Hannibal.” (Will)

“I want you to know exactly where I am, and where you can always find me.” (Hannibal)

“Play with your food, Mason, and you give it the opportunity to bite back.” (Hannibal)

“A little lean, I think.” (Mason after he’s stuck Hannibal like a pig.)

“There are the tusks to consider, if you want to maintain the integrity of your abdomen.” (Mason to Will)

“I didn’t Humpty-Dumpty them, I just went and found them a new basket.” (Mason to Margot)

“Do you know what happens if we stimulate your prostate gland with a cattle prod? Hannibal does. He helped us milk you.” (Alana)

Next week, we’ll finally meet The Great Red Dragon.

Cindy Davis, (Twitter)