It started like this*: I have a piece in drafts (technical CMS talk for you non-website types) called “Ranking the Bad Dads of ‘Game of Thrones.’” The other day, Courtney mentioned that she keeps seeing said title as “Ranking the Dad Bods of Game of Thrones,” because, in case you forgot, the dadbod phenomenon broke her.
Readers. I wish I could stop myself from doing what I’m about to do. But I really can’t.
PRESENTING YE OLDE OFFICIAL RANKING OF THE DADBODS OF GAME OF THRONES
10) Tywin Lannister
Bottom of the list. Look at this. It’s not even a dadbod. Why are you here?
9) The High Sparrow
More like sadbod, amirite?
8) Sandor Clegane
He’s going to have to eat every fucking chicken in this room, and he doesn’t care if it gives him a little paunch.
OK, but you can’t definitively say the dragon doesn’t have a dadbod.
6) Janos Slynt
He was almost in the top five, but I hear he lost a few pounds recently. Hey-oooohhhhhh!
5) Mance Rayder
It’s tough to make an assessment re: dadbod status under all that fur, but it’s Ciarán Hinds, so I’m going to give him the benefit of the doubt and put him in the top five.
4) Davos Seaworth
So many grizzled white dudes with beards! Davos had seven sons before most of them bit it, so you know the dadbod situation is working for him.
3) Stannis Baratheon
2) Robert Baratheon
It’s the OG season one dadbod, and you’d best not forget it.
1) Ser Pounce
In case you were still harboring any doubts about whether this is intended to be a serious ranking of dadbods. This list goes out to my boy Kit Harington, who, as he is dadbodyless, will have to be objectified in another post.
*Explanation provided so no one will think I would seriously put together a dadbods ranking post without some sort of external influence.