'Game of Thrones' Fans Demand HBO Remake Season 8 but with 'Competent Writers' This Time

Before we begin, I’m going to sabotage myself right out of the gate by opening with what is easily the stupidest — no, no, don’t do it — hot take (kill me) from the penultimate episode of Game of Thrones. I’m setting the bar ridiculously high here, and I guarantee you I won’t even come close to clearing it. Which, in a way, is a metaphor for the whole show, isn’t it? So here you go:

that episode of Game of Thrones showed what it would’ve been like to live in the middle east under a Hillary Clinton presidency

— Katherine Krueger (@kath_krueger) May 14, 2019

Goddammit, right? Have fun with that.

And now onto the second stupidest reaction to Game of Thrones, which you’ll be surprised to learn is an online petition from angry nerds because those are always calm, rational endeavors that don’t make you want to burn every last inch of internet to the ground in hopes of leaving a better world for future generations. (Can you tell I’m Team Dany yet?)

Via CBR:

The eighth and final season of Game of Thrones has driven a wedge in the once-loyal fanbase of the hit HBO drama. As such, some fans are now calling for the network to remake the entire season, albeit with different writers.

“David Benioff and D.B. Weiss have proven themselves to be woefully incompetent writers when they have no source material (i.e. the books) to fall back on,” a fan named Dylan D. wrote in his petition on change.org, which currently has just under 27,000 signatures. “This series deserves a final season that makes sense.”

Here’s the thing though, the petition is now north of 500,000 signatures, and it already jumped up at least 10,000 since I started writing. Granted, that means literally jacksh*t in every sense of the word, but it bolsters my overall thesis that the internet is dumb and full of terrors. Because, seriously, what do these people think is going to happen? HBO is going to ignore record-setting ratings and remake a season of one of the most goddamn expensive and special effects-laden shows on television because a gaggle of entitled dorks had a different version of tits and dragons in their heads? C’mon. (Although, if the endgame here is to conjure a new season that’s nothing but Tormund trying to get giant women to breastfeed him, you have my sword. We strike at dawn.)

Don’t get me wrong, I’m absolutely on board with critiquing and analyzing the ever-living sh*t out of Game of Thrones. From the the start, the series has been sloppy with sexism, racism, and storytelling issues that I’m not smart enough to notice because I’m just happy to stare at my TV in silence while my kids are asleep. That said, nothing sets off warning bells in my head more than when I finish watching something and go, “Wow, that really played well with me, a straight white male.” So I’m glad that I can pop online and find out how better writers reacted to some b*llshit. That is a good thing and entirely separate from stomping your feet on the internet and demanding creators remake an entire shows or movies like it’s a goddamn Applebee’s steak. Life doesn’t work that way, but as the embedded tweet above demonstrates, the internet stopped grappling with reality a while ago.

Now, at this point, the most self-indulgent thing I can do is steer the conversation to my personal thoughts on Game of Thrones, so naturally, I’m going to do exactly that because I’m a terrible writer. But I’ll be quick, which is my specialty. (Hi, honey!)

SPOILERS.

After bailing on the show after the end of the fourth season for reasons I can’t even remember, I started binge-watching two episodes a night, and I literally just got caught up the Wednesday after “The Bells” aired. So by the time I barreled into season eight, I had almost 30 hours of Game of Thrones still fresh in my mind, and from that perspective, I really didn’t notice a degradation in the writing. (Although, a frog doesn’t feel itself being slowly boiled alive.) It’s the same pulpy trash it’s always been, but the epic battles seemed to be happening more frequently to the point where they started taking up whole 90 minute episodes. Which wasn’t exactly a bad thing with the long-awaited Battle of Winterfell — f*ck anyone who calls Arya a Mary Sue — but definitely became a glaring issue as I realized that I’m going to be staring at another long hour of carnage as Daenerys finally takes Olenna Tyrell’s advice to “be a dragon.” But overall, Game of Thrones is… good? I’m not gonna lie. It’s been the highlight of my night for over two weeks now. Do I have some quibbles? Of course.

Daenerys going “mad”

Every time Dany rides Drogon and her theme starts swelling as she tears sh*t up, it is always one of the few “f*ck yeah” moments in the show. (The only thing that comes close is Arya leaping at the Night King.) So when she justifiably has enough of listening to Tyrion, Varys, and Jon after her dragons and Missandei get killed — not to mention, she’s about to get screwed out of her life’s work for not having a dick — it made all kinds of sense that she went after Cersei with everything. And to be clear, Cersei wasn’t just killed by some rocks. Dany killed Cersei by bringing what she loved most — the power of King’s Landing — down on her head.

But if Dany’s actions are chalked up to “Targaryen Madness” or whatever the sh*t, and Jon is the noble hero that has to stop her, yeah, that will be a predictable wet fart and deflating as hell. Which is why it’ll probably happen.

Tyrion

I get that the show is juggling a million characters, but way to take one of the most compelling leads and make him basically cry about the Geneva Convention at every turn. I mean, goddamn. And, no, having him pull a last-minute, surprise move where he slits Jon or Dany’s throat to take the Iron Throne will not make up for it. I have a long documented history of being obsessed with Peter Dinklage, and even I’ll eat my TV if that happens.

All the problematic stuff

Is Game of Thrones racist and sexist as hell? For sure. Call it out every chance you get, and screw any dude who wants to bitch about “feminism run amok” when a woman says, “Hey, maybe don’t define a female character with rape.”

And that about wraps it up (until I get a bug up my ass and start tweeting again). Now, where was I going with this? Oh, right, fan petitions are dumb. Good talk.