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Cited for 13 Health Code Violations, Donald Trump's Mar-a-Lago Could Use a Few New Cooks in the Kitchen

By Ursula Scully | Food Porn | April 14, 2017 |

By Ursula Scully | Food Porn | April 14, 2017 |

Firstly: Hello! Long time reader, first time writer. I was (very politely) bullied by Dustin to contribute, so welcome to my first (and possibly last) post. I have zero experience or talent that qualifies me to write, however I am rather bitchy and scathing. In any case, please send all your complaints to Dustin at You’rePronouncingItWrong dot com.

Did you see the new Great British Bake Off class picture? Joining Paul Hollywood for the new series will be Prue Leith, Noel Fielding, and Sandi Toksvig. If you’re asking yourself “Who?”, you are not alone, my fellow Yank. I’m only familiar with the wonderful Sandi Toksvig from her work on QI (tangent: have you listened to her on the episode of TED Radio Hour podcast titled Painfully Funny ? Do your ears a favor and give it a go); The other two additions are new to me. However, as wonderful as I’m sure they are, the new team will have some huge shoes to fill. I’m not sure that the chemistry and charm between Mel and Sue can be duplicated.

Screen Shot 2017-04-14 at 1.57.10 PM.jpgMoving on, did you read that Mar-a-Lago was cited with 13 high priority health code violations? Most ironically, one was for raw meat. Given how Trump orders his steaks well-done, this is some delicious schadenfreude. I thought we could re-vamp the Florida residence menu, using a few recipes and cooking techniques we learned on the GBBO.

I propose adding a classic Red Velvet Cake to the menu. A beautiful deep red color is best achieved by using beet juice, something Trump can probably get quickly and in large quantities from his pal over in the East. Pairs well with Cabernet Sauvignon, and bomb strikes, apparently.

Next up: Paul’s Lacy Pancakes. I bet Trump misses his 24-carat gold-covered New York penthouse, so add these to the menu for a little reminder of home. Make sure to add a lot of gold flake to the batter to make them extra tacky. Serve with Krug vintage Champagne for those buttery notes on the palate. Also, probably have your doctor on stand-by for heavy metal poisoning.

Screen Shot 2017-04-14 at 1.57.19 PM.jpg

And lastly, I suggest my own creation, the ImPeachMint Daiquiri. Trump doesn’t drink, but we all should be.

Cheers, mates. And thanks for reading.

Ursula lives in Chicago and likes potatoes very much. You can follow her here.

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Ursula is a Staff Contributor for Pajiba. You can follow her on Twitter.