It’s been a few days, so hopefully the horrific flashbacks caused by that live-action Dumbo trailer have faded. Let’s finish washing it away with less emotionally scarring trailers, shall we?
First Man — In theaters this October
Ryan Gosling plays astronaut Neil Armstrong in Damien Chazelle’s follow-up feature to La La Land. I don’t think Ryan will dance quite so much this time around, just to manage your expectations. The film also stars Claire Foy, Jason Clarke, Pablo Schreiber, Kyle Chandler, Ciarán Hinds, Ethan Embry, and Corey Stoll.
The Little Stranger — In theaters August 31st
From Lenny Abrahamson, the director of Room, comes this very creepy story about Domhnall Gleeson’s mustache. Well, no, I guess it’s actually about a country doctor dealing with a secretive family in a mansion during the summer of 1948, but all I’m getting from the trailer is a) that ‘stache, and b) I could watch Domhnall Gleeson, Ruth Wilson, and Charlotte Rampling hang out in manors for HOURS.
The Nun — In Theaters September 7th
Look, even if you’re a huge fan of The Conjuring universe and have been dying for a prequel about that Demon Nun, this trailer is still some manipulative fuckery. “Make Sure You Watch To The End” is the opening cue card, which is already a tad too desperate. But what do you get if you DO stick it out? A poorly executed nun-on-nun jump scare. Like, if you’re gonna play with my emotions, make it worth my time.
The Grinch — In theaters November 9
I know people are kinda hating on this one, and while the world ABSOLUTELY DOES NOT need a new version of the Dr. Seuss classic (the original cartoon is perfect already)… I dunno, I kinda like the spin they’re taking. Benedict Cumberbatch-voicing-villains is basically its own sub-genre at this point (see: his turn as Smaug, and even Shere Khan in the upcoming Mowgli), but mostly I’m cutting this some slack because it’s by the same producers as the Despicable Me franchise. They’re clearly trying to expand and update the story, so I guess I’m moderately interested to see how well they execute it.
The Children Act — Exclusively On Directv August 16 and in Theaters September 14
Emma Thompson and Stanley Tucci star in this adaptation of the best-selling Ian McEwan novel, about a court case involving a boy refusing a blood transfusion that could save his life… but you probably stopped reading at “Emma Thompson” anyway. I mean, she’s reason enough.
So uh, look, I don’t know how to tell you this so I’m just gonna dive right in. Dog movies are hot right now.
Alpha — In theaters August 17th
Ok, it’s more of a wolf movie, but it’s also basically a fictionalized account of how we domesticated dogs so… IT COUNTS. Also, it’s directed by Menace II Society’s Albert Hughes.
Dog Days — In theaters August 10
I know we’ve talked about this before, but I’m never going to miss a chance to bring up this Ken Marino-directed movie that I’m assuming was pitched as “Love Actually, But With More Dogs And Fewer Assholes.” It stars *inhale* Nina Dobrev, Vanessa Hudgens, Eva Longoria, Finn Wolfhard, Adam Pally, Rob Corddry, Lauren Lapkus, Jon Bass, Michael Cassidy, Thomas Lennon, Tig Notaro, Toks Olagundoye, David Wain, and Ron Cephas Jones.
Patrick — Coming out June 29th (in the UK at least)
This trailer is like a month old, but I hadn’t seen it before and it fit the theme. Besides, it stars Jennifer Saunders’s daughter, Beattie Edmondson… AND SHE GETS DOGSHIT IN HER HAIR.