Happy Friday, folks! Let’s waste away the end of this trash week and indulge in some bite-sized escapism — by which I mean, let’s stare at Michael B. Jordan and Tessa Thompson and let them distract us momentarily from this hopeless hellscape we’re living in.
Creed II — In theaters November 21
Oh shit! Fuckin’ DRAGO?! Looks like Dolph Lundgren’s coming back with a protégé to face Adonis Creed in the ring. The theme will be “family” this time around, which means I’m going to be distracted picturing a world full of perfect Thompson/Jordan babies.
Nobody’s Fool — In theaters this fall
A Tyler Perry joint, starring Tiffany Haddish as an ex-con who discovers that her type-A sister’s online mystery man is OBVIOUSLY catfishing her. So they decide to track the dude down. Whoopi Goldberg plays their mother, and… I dunno, I feel like the humor in this is kinda obvious, yet effective. Haddish sells this shit like a champ.
Searching — In theaters this August
Winner of the Alfred P. Sloan Feature Film Prize at Sundance earlier this year, Searching stars John Cho as a father trying to find his missing daughter via her digital footprints (i.e. breaking into her laptop for clues). It’s told entirely via computer screens, which I should hate, but honestly? That trailer made me anxious AF. Besides, it’s a movie that lets us just stare at John Cho’s face in close-up for a couple hours and I’m FINE WITH IT.
And over on Netflix…
Like Father — Arriving August 3
My overwhelming impression is that this does NOT LOOK FUNNY AT ALL. Kristen Bell gets stranded at the altar, and to make matters worse, her absentee dad Kelsey Grammer shows up. And like, nobody wants surprise Kelsey Grammer in their life. ANYWAY, the pair get drunk and wind up on her honeymoon cruise. Seth Rogan says it right: “That’s fucked up.”
To All The Boys I’ve Loved Before — Arriving August 17
OK, I know everyone is acting like this is going to be THE cute teen comedy of the summer, but to me, this looks like a horror movie. Like, don’t write letters about your crushes and put them in envelopes and expect nothing to happen! THEY WILL OBVIOUSLY END UP IN THE MAIL AND YOU WILL MELT INTO A PUDDLE OF EMBARRASSMENT GOO. Fuck. Anyway, even if it’s like my actual nightmare, it does look pretty charming. Based on a NY Times bestselling YA novel, and starring Lana Condor (Jubilee from X-Men: Apocalypse! Don’t hold that against her!).
Nailed It! Season 2 — Arriving June 29
Oh thank gawd, that hot mess baking show is back for another round! YESSSSSSS.