And you thought Fifty Shades of Grey made you mad.
After is a One Direction fan-fiction written by Anna Todd that became the most read series on the website Wattpad. We’re talking literally hundreds of millions of views here. The three books she wrote are about one million words long combined. And yes, they are excruciatingly bad. But hey, as EL James proved, why maintain the moral and ethical code of not publishing your fan-fiction - especially your self-insert ones - when money can be made? She’s even gone and published the first book from the perspective of the ‘hero’ because at this point in time we are all just snakes eating our own tails and waiting for the Earth to burn us to crisps. (Oh, and Anna Todd also published a re-imagining of Little Women because why start being original now?)
So OF COURSE this got made into a movie.
After is the story of Anna… Sorry, I mean Tessa (Josephine Langford) who goes to college and begins a turbulent romance with Harry Styles… *checks notes* … Hardin Scott (Hero Fiennes-Tiffin, a.k.a. baby Voldermort in Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince). Turns out he’s not a nice dude because apparently ‘violent controlling thug’ and ‘sex god’ are interchangeable these days.
I’m not kidding, this somehow looks even worse than all of the above makes it sound. Ariana Grande has done nothing to deserve her song being used on that trailer.
And yes, that is ‘Harry Styles’ ‘sexily’ grinding a book against a woman’s crotch. Just what we’ve always wanted, eh ladies?!
I need a lie down.
Header Image Source: Getty Images.