They came. They went. They weren’t good. They weren’t terrible. And now, when you see the movie poster, you can’t remember if you saw the movie or if it was just the trailer you saw or maybe it was a review you read, or maybe that was a different movie altogether. Don’t worry — those vague recollections will disappear completely by this time next year. There will be no residual memory.
I assure you, however, that these movies did once exist. They were not fever dreams. In fact, they were released into at least 1,000 theaters.
These 10 movies were the most completely forgettable of 2018.
10. Maze Runner: The Death Cure (Box Office: $58 million) — Nope, that other Maze Runner you saw wasn’t the last in the series. This one was. Or was it? Maybe there will be another one that you won’t remember next year.
9. I Can Only Imagine (Box Office: $83 million) — This movie made $83 million? This is literally the first I’ve ever heard of it.
8. Breaking In (Box Office: $46 million) — If they’d actually called it Payback is a Mother, I might have remembered it.
7. Truth or Dare (Box Office: $41 million) — Not to be confused with the Madonna documentary, which made less money but is far more memorable. This one was a profitable horror movie about the game. In fact, I’m pretty sure I saw this one, although I couldn’t tell you a thing about it.
6. The Commuter (Box Office: $36 million) — This was the one with Liam Neeson and Jackie Chan, right? Nope, that was The Foreigner. The one about a terrorist attack on a commuter train? Nope. That was Eastwood’s 15:17 to Paris. Is it the one where Liam Neeson gets revenge? I think so! Probably!
5. Alpha (Box Office: $35 million) — I remember exactly one detail about this movie, that it was directed by The Hughes Brothers, but only one Hughes Brother, Albert. I don’t know what Allen was doing.
4. Show Dogs (Box Office: $17 million) — I feel like Will Arnett makes a bad, generic kids movie once a year, but there is actually no evidence of that on IMDB. I think he must have his profile scrubbed annually.
3. Forever My Girl (Box Office: $16 million) — I don’t remember anything about this — a country star, and the kid he left behind? — but it always looked like a bad remake of A Walk To Remember to me.
2. The Girl in the Spider’s Web: A New Dragon Tattoo Story (Box Office: $14 million) — Somebody said to me that this movie came out two weeks ago, and I said to them, “Prove it.” I see no evidence of it. Have you ever met anyone who saw this movie? I didn’t think so.
1. Red Sparrow (Box Office: $46 million) — Jennifer Lawrence was in a movie this year? You’d think I’d remember that. I don’t. I do remember the Dior ad, though. Are we sure that Red Sparrow wasn’t another perfume ad? I bet it smells like roses and the metallic taste of blood.
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