Paramount Wants To Remake 'Face/Off', Which Is Just As Insane As The Original Itself

By Jodi Smith | Film | September 9, 2019 |

By Jodi Smith | Film | September 9, 2019 |

The 1997 John Woo-directed film Face/Off is a perfect movie that has everything: face waterfalls (H/T How Did This Get Made?), John Travolta and Nic Cage eating scenery like it’s made out of uppers, and Joan Allen’s character not noticing her husband’s d*ck is completely different.

It. Is. PERFECT.

Of course Paramount is hoping to remake the flick in the here and now, where we all know face-swapping technology is a reality we call Deepfakes. It is unknown at this time whether or not the swaps will take place entirely in shared YouTube videos or if a technique similar to that in the original movie will be utilized. I mean, completely removing a person’s face and leaving it in some medical juice is a very scientific method of face-swap technology, but it will be interesting to see if they go with something stupid like face transplants or lasers.

Furthermore, what will writer Oren Uziel (22 Jump Street, Sonic the Hedgehog, The Cloverfield Paradox) choose as the opening scene? The original murders a child, so that can’t be done again. What insanely horrible spark will light the fuse of war between Sean Archer and Castor Troy and will they address the clear attraction the former has for the latter?

Most importantly, which actors are going to take their faces off, swap them, and then pretend to be each other? I feel deep down in the place where my heart should be that Travolta should start the movie as Troy and Cage as Archer before switching, but Big Hollywood won’t allow that. (The wig budget is too astronomical.)

Obviously they should try to get Michael Cera and Jesse Eisenberg to sign on as the leads to save money on special effects. Otherwise, I cannot think of a pair I want to see chase each other, bang each other’s significant others without them noticing, and then fight in a church as doves randomly take flight.

Maybe Jessica Chastain and Amy Adams? Finn Wolfhard and Bill Hader? Pennywise and the Babadook? I don’t know. Watch for Kate’s rage-fueled missives as more news starts to dribble across your eyes, like a face waterfall.