'My Dead Friend Zoe' Is, Improbably, an Uplifting Movie about PTSD

By Diana Helmuth | Film | March 15, 2024 |

By Diana Helmuth | Film | March 15, 2024 |

My Dead Friend Zoe is the brainchild of writer-director-producer Kyle Hausmann-Stokes. This is his first feature-length film, and in keeping with his previous work, it focuses on telling the untold stories of modern veterans. A number of service members worked with Hausmann-Stokes both behind and in front of the camera to bring My Dead Friend Zoe to life, and he was eager to express gratitude for their effort and bravery at the SXSW premiere. The themes present in My Dead Friend Zoe are still not spoken aloud very often in the veteran community. To do so opens one up to one of the worst insults one service member can call another: soft. However, the result of all this veteran collaboration is an accessible dramedy about PTSD that ends on an unusually high note. The movie is for veterans, first, yes. But it is also for anyone whose life is being directed by a ghost — and how to reconcile with that ghost in order to be truly free. In other words, this is a story about love (it even has a Morgan Freeman cameo!)

The film follows Merit, a young Army veteran from Afghanistan, played with clean precision by Sonequa Martin-Green. Merit is tidy, disciplined, and humble — on the outside, the spitting ideal of an honorably discharged service member. But there are cracks in the facade. Chiefly, that the only meaningful relationship in her life is with her dead friend, Zoe (Natalie Morales). It’s hard to call Zoe’s death a spoiler since it’s in the title, but the film draws you in quickly anyway by performatively obfuscating when she died — and more importantly, how.

Morales and Martin-Green radiate as best friends on screen. There’s no cheese here for me, just pure unfiltered sunshine, so good it almost burns. Morales has played the quippy best friend several times, but this might be her best version yet. This movie passes the Bechdel test so breezily you forget that that’s what it’s doing. Hausmann-Stokes has said that he drew significant inspiration from his own service record and that experience paired with the writing of AJ Bermudez results in winning dialogue. I’ll admit it was also nice to see female service members on the big screen, not constantly fighting for recognition but simply … existing. You witness Zoe and Merit endure some sexual harassment from their brothers in arms, but unlike most movies that feature modern female warriors, that’s not what this story is about. The casual misogyny that the two women face is handled like the rest of the identity-based harassment that all servicemembers face, both from their superiors and from each other, with dagger-sharp rebuttals. This is just one way that the movie welcomes non-servicemembers to enjoy military gallows humor on its own terms. But I really don’t think you have to be a woman to get what Hausmann-Stokes was going for between Merit and Zoe. Watching the pair interact makes you instantly think of your best friend. You want to hang out with them all day, even if they’re just cleaning toilets.

Back home, Merit is faced with making difficult caretaking decisions on behalf of her grandfather, Dale, a succinct Vietnam veteran played with deft cantankerousness by Ed Harris. Dale and Zoe share a similar attitude towards military service: chiefly, an uncritical one. Their time in the army was great, the US army is great, and anyone who doesn’t think so needs to suck it up. The movie never once strays into the political, however. We do not see any veteran struggling with the question of if what they did “over there” was morally right. Instead, the story keeps its feet firmly in the realm of interpersonal relationships. In this way, it quietly reminds us that for most service members, enlisting usually has nothing to do with politics. People often join the military because they were inspired by someone they loved, and what they remember the most about their deployments is who they loved - who got them through it.

Despite all her army-drilled discipline, Merit cannot seem to actually do anything right in regards to taking care of her grandfather, which makes sense because behind her routines and clean shoes, she can barely take care of herself. Dale is too stubborn to understand what he needs to let go of in order to be healthy, and Merit can’t convince him, because she actually has the same problem; neither one of them has the ability to face what’s actually wrong with them. We watch to see if Merit can help her grandfather, and thereby, perhaps, help herself. Dale goes on a few rants about how the younger generation of veterans is too soft, pointing out that Merit got a welcoming parade when she came home from Afghanistan, and he had to change out of his military uniform in the bathroom of the airport, lest he be heckled by Vietnam war protestors outside. I appreciate that the movie takes the opportunity to generate empathy for America’s older generation of veterans. It wants us to see what motivates their bitterness towards the new generation of vets, without brushing them off as stubborn old men.

This is not the only way the film makes, arguably, involuntary points about how much military service can fuck you up. Zoe loves the army because, despite her barbed-wire exterior, she doesn’t know what to do unless someone is telling her what to do. Her character could be read as a cautionary tale about the dangers of extolling the military. But although the story circles that point, it never goes as far as to actually make it. This is not Jarhead. The thesis in My Dead Friend Zoe is not — firmly not — that the military sucks. This is a movie bursting with admiration and empathy for veterans, without a hint of patronization. Nobody ever turns their back on their service record. Because what they did overseas isn’t actually what messed them up. It’s all about what happened after they came home.

This is not your typical modern warrior movie. It does not end with any star-spangled heroism, nor does it ask us to ponder the dark futility of war. There are two twists in this story that I did not see coming, and I don’t want to spoil them. Suffice to say, when Zoe and Merit have their long-awaited confrontation, it did not go the way I expected. Tears filled my eyes, and I was embarrassed until I realized that each person next to me was wiping their eyes, too. The entire theater had been reduced to a sea of sniffles and gulps as we all tried to keep it together and failed. If Dune 2 comes with a weird sex popcorn bucket, My Dead Friend Zoe should come with a tissue box and a little American flag.

The most spectacular feature of My Dead Friend Zoe is that it is an honest movie about PTSD that somehow manages to be an upper. If you are a service member, you’ll probably appreciate the easy transference of military humor on screen. If you’re not a service member, it might feel weird to be laughing at some of what you’re laughing at, but that’s part of its magic. Do not be fooled into thinking this is a story only for veterans. If you have a ghost haunting you, this movie is going to leave you feeling gutted - and ultimately, lighter, brighter, happier. Like Merit, walking into her future.

‘My Dead Friend Zoe’ premiered at the SXSW Film and TV Festival. It is produced, in part, by Travis Kelce, and is looking for distribution.