The new trailer for Jurassic World: Fallen Kingdom dropped last night; you might have missed it if you were distracted by Moustache: Impossible, or Lando: The Real Star Wars Story. Next to the facial-haired wonder of Henry Cavill and Donald Glover, Chris Pratt’s barely-stubbled upper lip might have just passed you by. (He’ll never win a bearded Chris competition with that fluff. Just in case anyone is still counting Chris votes.)
Plus you might feel that you’ve seen it all before, which — well, you’re not wrong, but this trailer gives us Dinosaur Disaster Movie enthusiasts a few more crumbs to pick at.
We’ve guessed much of the plot already, partly because it’s the same thing every time and also because the plot is really just a premise to put people where the dinosaurs are. And they needed a new premise, because let’s not forget that the events of Jurassic World were by far the most disastrous for InGen. Hundreds of people slain or injured; witnesses that couldn’t all be discredited; ‘investments’ killed by the Psycho-saurus… That must have destroyed InGen. But what this trailer seems to confirm is that InGen aren’t the only people prepared to dabble in dinosaur DNA any more. And whoever the silly new company is, they haven’t learned from that ‘T-Rex on the loose’ incident from The Lost World. At least the main park was on an island, which contained the threat… Yep, once again, my heart goes out to all the poor, ignored Health and Safety officers, writing piles of risk assessments that get ignored because capitalism. Sigh.
So what else do we get in this trailer that we didn’t see in the first one?
Firstly, is that any way to transport a dinosaur? It doesn’t look comfortable…
Neither does this, though.
Claire has gone all bad-ass!
Of course, they had to find a role for a screaming child. At least they didn’t take this one to the exploding dinosaur island…
Yeah, thanks. This is what my nightmares will look like for a while.
Unidentified Toothy Dinosaur: Does my breath smell bad?
Scared Man: No!
Unidentified Toothy Dinosaur: You’d tell me if it did, right?
Scared Man: Sure! It’s lovely — minty fresh! That flossing thing is really working out for you!
Unidentified Toothy Dinosaur: If I find out you’re lying to me, you’re going to get a closer look.
Scared Man: [whimpers]
Unidentified Toothy Dinosaur: Get it?! Closer look! Like, when I chomp on you!
Scared Man: Yeah, I got it.
That’s not a T-Rex… IS IT A FIRE DINOSAUR?
(Sadly not, but for a moment there, I WAS LIVING THE DREAM!)
Lastly, and most importantly, where’s Goldblum?