Do Not Raw Dog Channing Tatum's 'Blink Twice'

By Dustin Rowles | Film | August 23, 2024 |

By Dustin Rowles | Film | August 23, 2024 |

Since we’re apparently using the term “rawdogging” however we damn well please these days, I’m going to use it here to describe watching a movie without the aid of marketing.

To wit: I went into Blink Twice completely blind. No trailer, no poster, no reviews. All I knew was: Channing Tatum plays some rich dude, Zoë Kravitz directed it, it used to be called Pussy Island, and it’s where Kravitz and Tatum met and became a couple. Oh, and Tatum starred in The Lost City (originally The Lost City of D), also set in a remote location. So my brain went, “Oh, Channing’s found his niche: romantic adventures in the middle of nowhere originally named after genitalia.” Being the rom-com guy, I snagged this assignment. I even almost brought my 12-year-old daughters along because they liked The Lost City.

You know when you show up to a chill birthday drinks thing, and 45 minutes in, you realize you’re trapped in a haunted house escape room with some bloody-faced dude wielding a chainsaw and everyone around you is screaming? That was me watching Blink Twice. Don’t get me wrong, I dig haunted houses! I just wasn’t expecting one. This isn’t an adventurous rom-com. They’re calling it a “psychological thriller,” but let’s be real - it’s a horror flick. A seriously twisted, fucked-up horror flick.

When did Channing Tatum start doing horror? And Zoë Kravitz isn’t even in it — she’s just directing and co-writing with E.T. Feigenbaum (who wrote her High Fidelity series). Who’d have thought the star and writer of the very charming High Fidelity television series would cook up something this messed up?

I don’t want to spill too much here because it’s best to go in as clueless as possible. But fair warning: it’s horror, there’s sexual assault, and some nasty violence. You should know that much.

Here’s the gist: Tatum plays Slater, a billionaire tech-bro with a private island where he and his bros (Christian Slater, Simon Rex, Haley Joel Osment) go to “escape reality.” After a fancy museum shindig, he invites Frida (Naomi Ackie) and her best friend Jess (Alia Shawkat) to the island, along with Sarah (Adria Arjona) and a couple of other women. Cue the pool, booze, luxury digs, drugs, and major Get Out vibes.

Saying more would spoil the … well, “fun” isn’t quite right. There are twists and some dark black humor, but it gets brutal. If that’s not your jam, steer clear.

I have to say, though, that I’m impressed with Kravitz’s directorial debut. It looks like she might be eyeing a Jordan Peele-style career path rather than, say, a Shawn Levy one. It’s a confident first outing, and I’m weirdly pumped to see what she directs next.

One last thing, fellas: Don’t trick your girlfriend or wife into seeing this “Channing Tatum movie” for laughs. Even if she loves horror, there’s a reason it was originally called Pussy Island, and it ain’t a funny reason. Pull that stunt, and you’re asking for a well-deserved ass-kicking.