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When the F*ck did Michael Cera Turn into Lady Elaine Fairchilde? and the 10 Best Comments of the Week

By Dustin Rowles | Eloquent Eloquence | February 24, 2012 |

By Dustin Rowles | Eloquent Eloquence | February 24, 2012 |

Eloquent Eloquence is a compilation of the ten best comments of the week. Comments in reviews are not eligible for inclusion.

There is a link in the commenter’s name that will take you to the original post.

Cleverness. Coming fast.

10. I have a friend who was in Italy when 9/11 happened and when she was finally allowed to fly back her overactive brain decided the vaguely dark-skinned man in the seat in front of her was a hijacker. She took her mini bottle of wine into the bathroom and broke it so she would have a sharp object. She undid her shoe laces and tied them together to have something to garotte him with and put her mini hairspray in her pocket to “mace” him with. She swore if she was ready to use all three if he so much as got up to go to the bathroom. Luckily for him it appears that if he did use the bathroom it was when she was asleep, but ever since she told me this story, I’ve had a morbid fear of psychotic murderer who I am sure is sitting behind me getting ready to garotte me when I stand up. - PaddyDog

9. Why has she stolen all the chins?? Why? - ZombieMedic

8. My mom put me in one beauty pageant when I was a kid. There was one little pageant brat there who was biting and pinching all the other little kids because her mom told her it would make the other little kids cry and look ugly. Her MOTHER told her to do this.

Anyway, when all us little kids were out on stage doing their thing, she turned around and pinched me. And I punched her right the fuck out in front of God and everyone.

Needless to say, mom didn’t put me in any more beauty pageants. But she did put me in karate, which I enjoyed infinitely more. - dahlia6

7. When the fuck did Michael Cera turn into Lady Elaine Fairchilde? - Skitz

6. Faux-hipster=hipster brought to you by mtv.

Hipster=two years behind elitists.

Elitist=know how to use the word irony correctly. - googergieger

5. I misread the header to read “Awesome Skitz Porn Gets A Sequel.” Needless to say, I’m very very disappointed. The original - despite being rather uncomfortable to watch - certainly merited a sequel. Or, more correctly, it merits a prequel, since *SPOILER ALERT* everyone dies in the original. - Greedy

4. I’m suddenly really glad that Shame got snubbed by the Oscars. - Craig

3. @phatgirl

Insofar as the “Rule of Cool” is concerned, I’m not making a value judgement, just observing a trend. I obviously think that the country would have been better off with Gore or Kerry from 2000 or 2004, but, alas, they were less cool than their opponent, somehow.

Can I surmise from your criticism of Obama that your disappointment is coming from his left? Either way, you can certainly disagree with the guy all you want, but the one point that I hear all too often and which is patently, provably untrue is that he hasn’t DONE things.

This is the most accomplished progressive presidency in 50 years. I’m sick of typing it out on the internet, but the laundry list of things he’s done include:

-Passing substantive health care reform that Democrats have pined for for generations.

-Actually ending combat operations in Iraq (to be fair, following timetable recommended by GW Bush) and setting drawdown date for Afghanistan. The troops are actually, really coming home.

-Killing Osama Bin Laden and killing or capturing 18 of the top 20 Al Qaeda leadership, crippling their organization worldwide.

-Saving the US auto manufacturing industry from bankruptcy and all but assured disappearance and recouping taxpayer investment at a profit.

-Passed sweeping reregulation of the financial sector.

-Cut middle class taxes and payroll taxes while lobbying for higher taxes on the historically undertaxed superrich.

-Outlawed predatory and unfair lending practices by credit card companies.

-Stopped torturing people.

-Ended Don’t Ask Don’t Tell and directed the DOJ to stop defending DOMA in court. He speaks softly about it, but this is the most aggressively pro-Gay Rights president in history.

-Pulling economy out of violent contraction in which we saw negative growth of -8.9% and were losing 750,000 jobs per month (in Bush’s last month)to sustained economic growth for over 10 quarters and two straight years worth of sustained net job growth.

To say that, over his term, Obama’s White House has LOST jobs is to blame him for the first few months of his administration when the country was losing close to a million jobs a month, before any of his policies had been enacted, which is like blaming a pilot that takes the wheel of a plane in a tailspin for the altitude of the plane once he levels it out.

I’m sick of people saying Obama is “all rhetoric”. It’s lazyminded and untrue. You can disagree and/or hate what he’s done all you want, but don’t say he hasn’t done anything. - Martin

2. Are the boner jokes worn out yet? Because I just went from 6 to midnight.

I’d leave my family and my job to pursue this creation full time if the legs actually worked. Then I’d mount some high powered lasers on the side and try to take over the senate. I’d actually get halfway through it too before I got filibustered by the Republicans, tackled by security and spend the rest of my life in prison. For some reason I think I’d get respect in prison though if I could answer the “what are you in for” question with “I used a Volkswagen Imperial Walker to try to take over the senate.” - aroorda

1. Seth Green ALWAYS has a spot on my Pajiba Five. I believe Brett McKenzie has snuck on a few times as well. The funny ones always moisten my lions.- Quorren

Oh…That’s…..That’s not what I meant at all.- Quorren

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Dustin is the founder and co-owner of Pajiba. You may email him here, follow him on Twitter, or listen to his weekly TV podcast, Podjiba.