The 10 Best Comments of the Week Featuring the True Story of the Vajazzle!

By Prolixity Julien | Eloquent Eloquence | December 9, 2011 |

By Prolixity Julien | Eloquent Eloquence | December 9, 2011 |

Eloquent Eloquence is a compilation of the ten best comments of the week. Comments in film reviews are not eligible for inclusion.

10. I, for one, welcome the hand-in-ass rule of our new Communist overlords. - admin

9. I think my favorite childhood memory involving Catholicism involves my mother and her sister nearly getting into a fist fight on my aunts front yard over which saint’s statue you are supposed to bury upside down in the front yard for good luck in getting a house sold.

I swear we are one rung above the ancient pagans. We got a fucking saint for everything. - Diablo

8. Tonight on Lifetime:

The story of a lonely blogger, a struggle for intimacy, and a how a horribly gone wrong accident in crafting ornaments resulted in a multi-million dollar idea.

The True Story of the Vajazzle! - W. E. Coyote

7. I used to say that I am half-Romanian. I will now change that to “approximately 125% Romanian.” - firedmyass

6. p.s. I have just bought a jumbo bag of kittens and will be executing one every day from the start of the hiatus until Community is restored to our screens.

Who’s a little furry hostage? You are! Mew, indeed. - Ender

5. I thought the DFW Metroplex was a wrestling finishing move… - Bert

4. I was really disappointed they didn’t title the Parks and Rec episode “The Knopes Monkey trial” - PaddyDog

3. Rudin’s reaction does come off sounding rediculous (“You’ve very badly damaged the movie by doing this”) and while that makes it seem like his point is trivial and insignificant I do think he has a legitimate reason to be upset.

David Denby, and even moreso his editors at The New Yorker are supposed to be professional journalists. They were given the benefit of an advanced screening and they signed an agreement not to publish a review until a certain date. Then they promptly violated that agreement in order to get page hits and sell magazines. Fuck those guys. They aren’t champions of the people fighting the good fight against the tyranny of greedy movie studios. They are assholes.

How can anyone even consider faulting the producers of the film in this case? Why does every smartass with an internet nickname think they are in a position to judge how harmful or insignificant this action is to the filmmakers?

Look, David Fincher (who I happen to have immense respect for, but that is beside the point) and a bunch of other people got together and spent a lot of time and money working really hard to create something. It’s their project and they should have some control over it’s release and distribution.

What is it about the internet and pop culture that gives people such an out-of-control sense of entitlement? They don’t owe you advance screenings and readily available youtube trailers. You don’t get to justify violating their wishes regarding their work because “oh what’s the big deal, I’ve concluded by way of self-serving assumption that it won’t do any harm, and they are a giant Hollywood bullshit machine anyway so fuck em even if it does.” (or my other favorite “Oh, it’s a shitty movie anyway, so it doesn’t matter.”)

Everything isn’t immediately in the public domain before it is even completed just because you have broadband and a keyboard. Shut the fuck up and wait a week. Have a little respect for the talented and hard-working people who spend months and years of their lives on large collaborative projects. - Yossarian

2. No cock rings in earlobes in Colorado? That’s kind of a deterrent for going to Colorado. I would like my beer to be served to me by some guy with cock rings in his earlobes. If there can also be a cock in the ring… even better. - MissNev

1. If your mother got raped by a bird, and then decided to keep the child, and that child was you, would you not end up making questionable career choices?

That is to say, I think you’re overlooking the main issue, which is that - based on that header pic - Rob Schneider is actually a giant blue peacock-human hybrid.

I think he’s done better than I would have in his situation. - zeke the pig