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"Gentlemen Prefer Boobs" and the 10 Best Comments of the Week

By Prolixity Julien | Eloquent Eloquence | March 22, 2012 |

By Prolixity Julien | Eloquent Eloquence | March 22, 2012 |

Eloquent Eloquence is a compilation of the ten best comments of the week. Comments in reviews are not eligible for inclusion.

There is a link in the commenter’s name that will take you to the original post.

Have you met our new overlord? His name is Chad.

Blatant Narcissism (3rd time, if you’re keeping track):

Raging Lincoln: You’re very smart, Vampire. You give me all these answers, but you ain’t giving me the right answer. I’m gonna axe you again. Did you or did you not?

Vampire: I’m not gonna answer that. It’s stupid. It’s a sick question and you’re a sick stove pipe fu*k, and I’m not that sick that I’m gonna answer it.

Raging Lincoln: [axes him again] - Mrs. Julien

10. I must admit I got quite the cackle out of Edward breathily muttering “we’re the same temperature now!” like it was the biggest turn on ever, because I’m pretty sure my husband dreams of this happening between us. For some reason the hubs radiates heat like a furnace, whereas I’m perpetually freezing. I love twisting around in bed while he’s fast asleep and thrusting the bottom of my ice-cold foot against his thigh. His girlish screams fill me with delight! - mb

9. Beards don’t mean a thing if they’re not on the right face. Not everyone can pull it off. A lot of guys either end up looking like middle schoolers basking in the newfound maturity of scraggly neckhair, or the kind of man who uses empty pizza cartons as makeshift furniture. Then you have the Idris Elbas of the world, who simply *cannot* look bad. Elba could walk around in two pieces of newspaper duct-taped together, not having bathed in a week, and he’d just look charmingly scruffy. - Wednesday

8. Oh, sure. That little Tintin boy is adorable, you all say. Right.

Except that’s not what I see. I see a ginger with murder on his mind and bloodstains on his soul. I looked into those baby blues, and the abyss howled back at me.

That cute-as-a-button abomination will destroy you all. - God Of Bal-Sagoth

7. They got around that by saying she’s “destined to be” fairer. You know, with medieval plastic surgery and an assist by Tim Gunn. - Reba

6. Most everything in this game was solid, entertaining and in some parts incredibly moving up until the last ten minutes, in which the script was given over to drunken penguins shuffling Scrabble tiles. Or M. Night Shaymalan. - twig

5. “Less sexy. Yes. Just a bit.”

Hell no.

Yes, I will continue to argue with the people that complain about naked gorgeous curvy redhead. There are few things in the world that naked gorgeous curvy redhead doesn’t make better. I can’t think of any actually. Perhaps a funeral. Depends on who died. - Sean

4. It’s amazing how different people look when they cut their hair. I’ve gone from skinhead to hippie to well-respected man as far as my hair is concerned; and although people are always astonished at how much it changes my initial look, they still recognize me as that guy from the WANTED flyer in the post office. - Jim Doggie

3. I have a theory that Val Kilmer and Marlon Brando traded souls on the set of The Island of Dr. Moreau . Brando, inside Kilmer’s body, was able to keep it together for awhile, but eventually he started eating. - John G

2. “Implausible trash compactors are probably not our biggest problem,” said the Death Star’s thermal exhaust port. - moonsover

1. I don’t know, I feel like gentlemen really just prefer boobs. - MG

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