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Eloquent Eloquence: Wall-E Is a Spambot Wandering the Wastes of the Internet Performing Its Useless Spamming Tasks

By Prolixity Julien | Eloquent Eloquence | May 18, 2012 |

By Prolixity Julien | Eloquent Eloquence | May 18, 2012 |

Eloquent Eloquence is a compilation of the ten best comments of the week. Comments in reviews are not eligible for inclusion.

There is a link in the commenter’s name that will take you to the original post.

Do you doubt the magnificence of your Overlord? Foolish mortal.

  • The But I Love Subtext Comment of the Week goes to countfosco. You’ll have to read between the lines to figure out why:

    so it’s Powder with skin pigment and not all that confusing homosexual subtext.

  • The You May Have a Point Comment of the Week goes to Chich, although one mustn’t underestimate the libido of a teenaged boy:

    Guilt was no match up against adolescent hormones — if life’s a game of rock, paper, scissors, an erection wins out every goddamn time.

    ——-Even against scissors???

  • The There’s Just One More Thing Comment of the Week goes to Anna von Beav who had some feelings she needed to get off her chest:

    the world has returned to farming and pre-industrial revolution ways of life

    So…. people just suddenly stopped using buildings? Because… the White House couldn’t be maintained without electricity? I mean, I can see why you wouldn’t use the upper floors of city skyscrapers, but why wouldn’t you use the lower ones? And why would vegetation just spontaneously start growing out of the upper floors? And how did someone get a boat to the middle of a city street?! AND HOW IN THE HELL DID EVERYTHING GET *THAT* OVERGROWN IN FIFTEEN YEARS?!?!!?!?!?

    I hate this show already.

    Posted by: Anna von Beav May 14, 2012 10:47 AM

    Plus also, and I could be wrong about this, but cars wouldn’t just *stop running* when the electricity all … SOMEHOW went away. Once they’re started, the gas is what runs them, right? So the lights might go out, and the radio, but the engine isn’t just going to shut off. Sure, you wouldn’t be able to *start* them, but jesus god.

    Also, steam trains would still work.


    Posted by: Anna von Beav May 14, 2012 11:14 AM

  • The If I Include This Will Dustin Post That Photo in the Header? Comment of the Week goes to NateS1973. Your prize is a cigar. No really, it’s just a cigar.

    Soeaking of fetching men in GQ…

    Soeaking? A combination of speaking and soaking? Freud is so slippery, isn’t he, Joanna? ;-P

  • The So You Didn’t Like It? Comment of the Week goes to
    Devil Child
    for a complete lack of equivocation:

    I refuse to believe that Sacha Baron Cohen could make a worse movie than Bruno.

    A thousand monkeys crapping into a thousand orphanages for a thousand years couldn’t produce something more disgustingly, hatefully worthless than that movie.

  • The Him Again? Comment of the Week goes to superasente . The prize is all the Charlize Theron you can ogle:

    Photographer: Alright, Charlize, we need to make this shoot a little sexier.
    Charlize: Um, okay but I’m not sure I see why…
    Photographer: Sex sells, you know that. Maybe you could take off your top or something.
    Charlize: No. Absolutely not.
    Photographer: Really? No? I mean, you want people to see the movie, don’t you?
    Charlize: I was under the impression that the point of this shoot was to show off the space-suits as a way of teasing the sci-fi aspect of the film.
    Photographer: Yeah, well, I was under the impression that I was the photographer and you were the model who does what I say, so…
    Charlize: I’m an actor.
    Photographer: Whatever. Just unzip that top and we’ll finish this thing.
    Charlize: No. No, I’m never going to do that.
    Photographer: (dramatic sigh) Well…fine then, can I at least take some pictures of your ass or something?
    Charlize: The suit isn’t really all that sexy, y’know.
    Photographer: Yeah, I know. That’s why I want you to take it off.
    Charlize: I don’t see Mike taking his suit off.
    Photographer: You might be surprised.
    Charlize: (sigh) Well, listen, I’ll angle my ass towards you if you want, but I don’t think you’re going to get the result you want.
    Photographer: You let me worry about that.
    [click click click]
    Photographer: …maybe give it a little slap for daddy.

  • The Who Needs a Hug Comment of the Week goes to Craig. Quick! Someone slip this pill into his drink while he’s distracted:

    Okay, no fucking way is TipToes anything but a “Funny or Die” sketch. No. Way. NONE. You could show me the entire movie and I still wouldn’t believe that it’s real.

    None of you are real, Pajiba isn’t real, REALITY isn’t real, and HAHA GUESS YOU OVERPLAYED YOUR HAND WITH THAT “TIPTOES” THING, MATRIX MACHINES!


  • The You’ve Given This A Lot of Thought Comment of the Week goes to Maureen for, you know, giving it a lot of thought:

    I thought the Avengers cast was pretty much the Avengers of acting, or at least the American main team, as it were. I suppose the cast of Gangster Squad can be the West Coast Avengers.

    The British, of course, have their own Avengers teams. The Harry Potter cast is the main team, the cast of Tinker Tailor Soldier Spy is the Melatin-Challenged British Avengemen (Kathy Burke has petitioned to change the name, but probably not going to happen), and the cast of The Best Exotic Marigold Hotel is the Silver British Avengers.

  • The Portmanteau Comment of the Week goes to Mrcreosote . Let’s hope he’s already filed for the copyrights:

    Is there a HOLY coupling of Pirahna and Anaconda? One that would have the blessing of a benevolent God? I imagine ScyFy has a hat full of animal names and they just pick two. “Tarantaconda! Allipus! Sharktipine!”

  • The Comment of the Week Comment of the Week goes to jollies for what I am sure is an accurate hypothesis:

    I picture the Spambot as an internet Wall-E, long ago abandoned by its creator and now wandering the wastes of the world wide web performing its useless spamming task to the best of its abilities.

    What Would Satan Do, by Anthony Miller | Who Are We Shipping Now? Love-Capping Last Night's "Community" Episodes

    Dustin is the founder and co-owner of Pajiba. You may email him here, follow him on Twitter, or listen to his weekly TV podcast, Podjiba.