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Eloquent Eloquence: Terry Richardson Makes Humbert Humbert Look Like the Boy Next Door

By Mrs. Julien | Eloquent Eloquence | June 22, 2012 |

By Mrs. Julien | Eloquent Eloquence | June 22, 2012 |

Eloquent Eloquence is a compilation of the ten best comments of the week. Comments in reviews are not eligible for inclusion.

There is a link in the commenter’s name that will take you to the original post.

The It’s Just Horrifyingly Cynical Enough to Be True Comment of the Week goes to Mr_Zito and his cold, black, insightful heart:

There’s a new Spider-Man reboot coming up. Sony believes that after three movies Andrew Garfield will be too old for the part, so they are planning a second reboot of the series and it will come to life as soon as the next ten years. The idea is to get a fresh start for younger fans, and appeal to a wider audience, telling the origin story in a way that has never been done before. It may or may not be a return to the overall lighter tone of Sam Raimi’s movies. Even though they will deny it, I guarantee it’s true.

The Wow That Was Dark, Funny, But Dark Comment of the Week goes to laylaness for an erudite slam:

Have you seen Terry Richardson? He makes Humbert Humbert look like the boy next door.

The Get in Line Comment of the Week goes to logan who I am sure would never actually prevail upon a lady in such a condition:

i have always loved Honest Abe and Vampires so this is like asking me if I’d like to give Christina Hendricks a ride home since she’s so drunk and lonely.

The Jeremy Renner Is a Magic Eye Movie Star Comment of the Week goes to Jezzer. As was pointed out last week, he has indeed been on fire of late:

It depends on what angle you view him from. At some angles, he’s very striking. At others, he’s very struck. He’s like a hologram, only instead of animating as you move around him, he gains and loses chromosomes.

The “Hypothetically” Means “Never” Comment of the Week goes to Green_Eggs_and_Hamster , and the floor is now open for naming suggestions should such occasion arise. Clemtin? Dustimency?

I had the same thought when I read the first sentence and Dustin said it was the 10 Richest Actresses. It’s not, but we can cut him some slack on occasion and not point out his faults. Obviously, this is not one of those occasions, but still I am sure that hypothetically we could one day do so.

The Nope, This Is Definitely Not One of Those Occasions of the Week goes to TherecanbeonlyoneAdmin for a surprising revelation about his rolodex:

I’m pretty sure all the monkeys of the world are offended by the comparison you just made, Dustin. Seriously I just e-mailed a baboon and he informed me that his ass has more emotion than Kristen Stewart. Also a better complexion.

The Civilized Discourse Comment of the Week goes to L.O.V.E. who took the time to apologise during a flame war:

Apology accepted and appreciated.

(mom pinches ear)

Oh, and I’m sorry for calling you a pedantic prick

Now if you will excuse me, I need to edit that first post so it looks like everyone is down voting my discovery for the cure for cancer, clean energy and world peace

The Did You Remember to Lick the Screen First? Comment of the Week goes to michaelceratops for trying to make it rain on the Magic Mike trailer:

I just watched it at work on the big screen in my department. It wouldn’t accept any of the dollar bills I tried to shove in it.

The Arrested Development Semper Fi Comment of the Week goes to zeke_the_pig, although one hopes the approbation doesn’t make him disappear up his own ass, or otherwise:

And, I’d hazard, never to be bettered. For a show written with such complexity and craft it’s a wonder that it didn’t immediately disappear up its own immaculate backside. If I was that good at ANYTHING I’d last about 10 seconds before being swallowed up by my own ego.

The Comment of the Week Comment of the Week goes to dahlia6 for trying to make us cry and maybe succeeding. I admit nothing!:

Growing up country, we have a tendency to bring strays home. Of any kind, but dogs are definitely our favorites. We had a cocker spaniel and a beagle, both rescues, and they grew up with me like family. I had the cocker for 15 years, the beagle for 17, and when she died, I nearly died too. It was like losing a sister. I’d grown up with her, loved her, and she loved me. I swore I’d never have another one.

Then dad brought home Sable, and that changed everything. She was the first puppy I’d ever had, that I could remember (there was another beagle when I was a baby, but I don’ t remember her). The other dogs were at least a year old when we got them. She became my surrogate baby because I can’t have kids of my own, and I’d die for her. That simple.

Long way around to the point of the story, last year, I ended up bringing bringing home a stray border collie/Australian shepherd/donkey mix we named Millie but affectionately call Monster. She hung out at the construction place I worked at, and I thought she belonged to someone who lived nearby. After a month, she was still roaming free, playing in traffic, and I asked the bitch I worked with about her. You’ll find out why I called her that soon enough. She said the dog belonged to no one, and she couldn’t wait until it got hit by a car because it left messes and peed on her tires and other stupid shit like that. She actually yelled at me when I went outside to feed it, because it was starving. I watched her try to get across a busy highway, and I finally said “I’m leaving, I’m taking her home.” Bitch snarked that I was stupid enough to lose my job over a dog (this a good christian woman, btw), but I told her to hang it in her homesick ass and lured the dog to me with poptarts, Nabs crackers, and whatever else I could scavenge. When I brought her home, she weighed 10 pounds. The vet said she wouldn’t have made it another 3 days. I’ve had her over a year, she’d destroyed both my house and my yard, shit in the house multiple times, and loves me like I’m Jesus to her.

People bred dogs for certain traits, and one of those traits is for them to be dependent on us. We took wolves and made them into puppies. For that, we’re obligated to take care of them, because we bred out of them most of the instincts that helped them take care of themselves. My house is always open to strays. I only wish I could help more.

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Dustin is the founder and co-owner of Pajiba. You may email him here, follow him on Twitter, or listen to his weekly TV podcast, Podjiba.