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Eloquent Eloquence: Humdingers Firmly In Place Edition

By Mrs. Julien | Eloquent Eloquence | December 7, 2012 |

By Mrs. Julien | Eloquent Eloquence | December 7, 2012 |

Eloquent Eloquence, humdingers firmly in place edition, is a compilation of the best comments of the week. Comments in non-Dustin reviews, and the Caption Contest, are not eligible for inclusion.

There is a link in the commenter’s name that will take you to the original post.


First, some overlooked items from last week -

Credit where credit is due: Tasha Rothwell gets a H/T and a throne room curtsey for the comment introduction “How long have you been waiting to tell that story?”

jM really should have had …

Also, The We Need This On Every T-Shirt Now! Comment of the Week for this solid gold lunacy. My apologies to you:

… then the pumpkin turns into the Murdertank and Cinderella seizes the kingdom for herself in a storm of vengeance and whiskey. And they lived drunkenly ever after. The End.

And on to the business at hand…

A good cry, but a communal one.

The Don’t Say I Never Got You Anything Comment of the Week goes to L.O.V.E. for his joyous carol:

Its butthole day,
Its butthole day,
Write a short story about it like your Ernest Hemingway.

Its butthole day,
Its butthole day,
Recite it out loud like your Sidney Poitier.

Its butthole day,
Its butthole day,
Shake your ass to it like your name is Beyonce.

Its butthole day,
Its butthole day,
Liking it in the butt doesn’t make you gay.
(not that there’s anything wrong with that)

**Its back! Its been unplugged! Oh Joy!**

The There’s Plenty of Blame to Go Around Comment of the Week goes to Artemis who likely agrees that Terry Richardson should get an extra helping. BRAVA Artemis!:

This is upsetting generally, but the Emma Stone picture really just kills me. For that to happen, someone had to say “hey, let’s do a shoot where Emma Stone is dressed up to look really really young, while making sexy faces and showing as much skin as possible”, and some other people said “yes! sounds great!”, and someone went and found an old-timey bike, and some other people found a little white outfit and debated just how short the skirt should be, and someone else decided what color of underwear she should wear and how much of her ass should be showing, and someone explained the shot to Emma Stone/her agent and they said yes, and someone styled Emma Stone’s hair into pigtails, and someone tied her shirt up so that it would show enough skin/be tight enough, and someone blew a wind machine at her until her skirt flipped up just right, and a photographer yelled “more surprised! open your mouth more!”, and someone looked at all the photos and selected that one for looking just the right combination of sexy and like a 10 year old girl being violated, and someone did touch-ups on it, and someone did the layout for the page, and a bunch of people signed off on it.

And somehow, nowhere along the way did someone go “hey, maybe we shouldn’t dress up a respected adult actress to look like a highly sexualized child for the purpose of titillating adult men.” Or they did, and got fired.

The Further Suggestions Are Welcome Comment of the Week goes to Puddin . Let’s start with Y.M.C.A.:

This aligns nicely with my theory that any song, I mean ANY song, can become an underground indie hit if you play it on the acoustic guitar using the most melancholy chords. Try it. Sing “Call Me Maybe” really slowly and wistfully. Ohhh, it’s sooooo poignant. Now try “I’m a Slave For You”. Oh my gosh, it really speaks to me on such a visceral level.

If only I could use my ninja like skills of manipulation for something that made a profit. I could own, like, four dolphins by now.

The No, Seriously, It Needs to Be a Thing Comment of the Week goes to Long_Pig_Tailor for making an excellent suggestion:

We should figure out how to get it termed the chris brown effect, just to fuck with Chris Brown some more.

The It’s Beginning to Look a Lot Like Christmas Comment of the Week goes to Tyburn Blossom. Is the octopus a holy relic?:

There’s only one time of year you’re supposed to decorate with animal carcasses and human bones? Shit.

Although in my house there aren’t any human bones yet, although Skulls Unlimited is right across town and does sell them. There are, however, jars of bones, a few skulls, a preserved bat, an octopus in a jar, and a butterfly under glass.

I may need to add a St. Murder statue.

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The Not That Pajiba Doesn’t Do Its Part to Even the Score Comment of the Week goes to Genevieve Burgess because she could be none more right:

I think we’ve reached a point in our culture where gazing upon half clothed ladies is considered a gender neutral activity. Sadly, gazing upon half naked dudes doesn’t get treated with the same egalitarian attitude.

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The In a World… Comment of the Week goes to duckandcover who should file a copyright for this ASAP:

From the critically acclaimed Dude, Where’s My Car? — from the actor who played “College Kid” in Reindeer Games and “Self” in Punk’d — comes the heartwarming story of Hollywood’s newest character actor. Ashton Kutcher was just a normal guy, achieving what every guy’s dream: banging Demi Moore and fake-banging Mila Kunis on a show that wasn’t even about him. Now, he will tackle the the role of computer tycoon Steve Jobs, giving Daniel Day Lewis’ Lincoln a run for his money. Move over, Spielberg. From the director of Swing Vote comes Jobs.

The Comment of the Week goes to zeke_the_pig for providing some of his trademark insanity:

grandma always used to say: ‘The only cure to waking up with a sore Cumberbatch is to liberally Pentecost your Stacker for about half a day.’
Wise woman she was.

The Comment of the Week Comment of the Week goes to Tracer Bullet. It’s hard out there for a superhero:

Any particular reason his costume appears to be made of gator skin? Does he have the shoes to match? Will this movie feature scenes of Superman pimpin’ hoes and slammin’ Cadillac doe’s?