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Eloquent Eloquence: George Lucas Gives His Fans the Finger

By Prolixity Julien | Eloquent Eloquence | September 16, 2011 |

By Prolixity Julien | Eloquent Eloquence | September 16, 2011 |

Eloquent Eloquence is a compilation of the ten best comments of the week. Comments in film reviews are not eligible for inclusion.

10. No film review comments? This contest is biased against me. 80% of my ranked comments were on film reviews and they managed contributed to the discussion. Now what do I do with my film review limericks and haiku sequences? Try to pay for movie tickets with them? Because they’re definitely not valid tender. Robert

9. You’ll have to pardon my ignorance, but I thought Tom Cruise was playing Tom Cruise in Magnolia. Are you SURE about this? Stinky

8. Wow fugliest cast ever. They need some CW genes. YesPlease

7. If I had to co-star in movies like that, I’d kill myself.

Too soon? Jordan

Not soon enough? LwoodPDowd

6. “Oh no, please. Do stereotype the entire nation of Japan.”

O…k… Japanese people are all descended from law abiding tradespeople and Samurai who were largely honest and honourable warriors apart from those who were Ronin or working for evil Lords. Neat and tidy to a fault they are epitomised by their universal practise and love of bonsai. Modern Japanese people are either business people (often drunk), Yakuza or schoolgirls. Knowledge of Karate (bujutsu) is in their genes. Japanese culture is dominated by Kawaii, politeness and paper walls. All business people read Ecchi on the train. Otaku are a dark and judgemental breed, creepy and borderline paedophilic, except when they’re being Train Heroes. Raw fish is the only dish served in Japan (Shi = fish, Su = raw; it’s unlikely that the rice comes into the naming of it), except for the occasional dish of whale served as a great honour to those warriors (Bishonen) who leap from the side of Japanese whaling ships with only a Samurai sword and a rope to battle Japan’s greatest historical foe (Communist whales) Ender

5. I knew always George Lucas gave his fans the finger every time he screwed with his films.

I just didn’t realize he got in costume to do so. bleujayone

4. As a duly elected representative of the Hydrangeas union local 214 and for all proud Hydrangeas everywhere I am here to inform you that we are boycotting your website due to your support of the known Hydrangea Hater known as Madonna. We regret that it has come to this but we can no longer support a website that encourages flowering shrub discrimination. We also call on our brother unions of flowering shrubs and our entire family:

# : Plants (Plantae)
# : Flowering Plants (Magnoliophyta)
# : Dicotyledons | Dicots (Magnoliopsida)
# : Rosales (Rosales)
# : Hydrangea Family (Hydrangeaceae)

to join us in this boycott. We will be protesting outside but only in the morning because we like shade in the afternoon.
FLOWER POWER! Hydrangea, Local 214

“What do we want?”

“To be planted not too deep in soil with good drainage and at least four feet to grow in every direction!”

“When do we want it?”

“Ideally early summer!”

-The Hydrangea Local 214 picket chant. Groundloop

3. I’m guessing that someone nerdy enough to make those “Star Trek” cookies has a pile of broken, stale, and discarded trial run versions that are all red shirts. branded

2. What “sports” are you going to force your kid into at THREE YEARS OLD, lady? The much derided toddler ultimate fighting circuit? And what a terrifying prospect regardless: encouraging your kids to exercise - it’s madness! DarthCorleone

1. While we’re on the subject of racial stereotyping …

Well, let’s see if I can de-sputter over this enough to be coherent.

Since when does a US citizen give up their civil rights because some unidentified bonehead saw something “suspicious?”

Least to most, I’m pissed off at the suspicion-ers (gotta practice up my Texican, just in case), the un-law enforcement, and the policy wranglers who demanded that this be so.

I do have a modest proposal. Sure, we’ll take reports of suspicious behavior. Lets have your name, and you’ll go through the same fingering as the folks you fingered. While I’m at it, how about 1 detention / cavity search randomly allocated through the TSA for every one performed on a citizen that produces nothing.

Ya think maybe the policies would change a bit, then?

For godtopus’ sake, treat this kind of nonsense as what it most likely is - a bogus report. Start by treating the report-ees with the dignity of their station - humans and free citizens.

I am neither a criminal nor a terrorist because I decided to fly on an airplane. Neither is anybody else.


I’m about as white as it gets. I’m delighted and proud at the folks who come to the US to make a better deal for themselves. That used to *be* the deal. That’s how my family got here, immigrants from what were shitty situations taking a shot at something better. I got lucky. It didn’t take me a boat ride.

So, I’m so proud that my world includes Shivraj who I hired at dot-com-co, who’s family came to the US after his father retired from the military of another country. I’m proud I got a note the other day from my friend Muhammad, from Packistan, who used to pray at work 5 times a day *in Bethlehem freaking Pennsylvania.* I am proud I learned Aikido from a Burmese Muslim who took over his brother’s dojo once the brother finished med school. I’m proud (OK, just horny and shallow) that Yassi from Persia was my kinda-sorta gf for a while.

I am fucking tired of apologizing to my Jordanian barber about the nonsense that has invaded what used to be the idea of this country. No, it shouldn’t take 3 years and $20,000 for them to allow you to practice your trade. I am fucking tired of apologizing to the Somali cabby who picks me up, talking about the bullshit monopoly on cab licenses that has him practically indentured.

These are the best people in the world. They came to the US because of an idea - take your shot. We’re treating them like crap, and have nearly killed that idea. I was confused, then stunned, then finally appalled in Seattle as I slowly figured out that *everyone I saw* the floors and empties the trash there is Chicano or American Indian. I’m white trash from the Pennsyltucky hills. The people who do the shit jobs look like me - I thought.

For godtopus’ sake …

I am amazed at the victim’s ability to hold a full bladder through a body cavity search. Perhaps it’s different for males. I can barely hand on to an empty bladder under my doctor’s occasional inspections. (Long story.)

How’d she do that? BierceAmbrose

Dustin is the founder and co-owner of Pajiba. You may email him here, follow him on Twitter, or listen to his weekly TV podcast, Podjiba.

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