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Eloquent Eloquence: Figgy's Swan Song

By Miscellaneous | Eloquent Eloquence | April 24, 2011 |

By Miscellaneous | Eloquent Eloquence | April 24, 2011 |

Dearest Darlingest Eloquents:

The time has come for your Comment Queen to finally give up the throne. I know some of you will rejoice (hi, darling Pookie!) and (hopefully) some of you will be sad, but this will be my last post as mistress of the EE. It’s been an incredible … what, two years and a half? Holy hell. But it’s been almost always awesome. Alas, real life calls and I’ve realized I can’t spend all my time reading everything you weirdos set down. Never fear! I shall remain in the comments, yelling HAAAAAAAAAAAAMM at any chance I get, and mocking Dustin or yelling about how much I hate Joss Whedon. Just a lot of yelling in general, because that’s how I roll.

Anyway, before I blab on for too long, I wanna give big huge thanks to Dustin for giving me the chance to mess up his website every week, and to y’all for giving this angry Honduran a chance to … um, rank whatever you say into a list. Pajiba is an amazing place, and I hope to stay in the comments forever. So keep posting, keep being funny and stop correcting people.

Finally, here is my very last list of funny comments.


[Speaking of Joss Whedon! I’m not sure what happened there, except that I loved the response here]

penis, Penis, PENIS, PENIS.

Gosh, that’s liberating.

(hi, mom) —Joanna Robinson

Did you just say penis four times? Was there a mirror nearby? Because you know what means!

BRETT FAVRE!!! —mrcreosote

[From this post on hey, did you know Optimus Prime (almost wrote Optimus Rhyme there) was supposed to be like JESUS? And other stuff:

I can see the Netflix queue now:
Netflix recommends you watch Superman Returns
Because you enjoyed-
The Devil Wears Prada
Sex and the City 2
Passion of the Christ —Paultera

[Stupid Netflix. I watch one kids’ show and it keeps recommending Veggie Tales. NO, I say! I don’t want to imagine broccoli talking. That’s fucking terrifying. Anyway. This one’s from the review for the snoozefest that was The Conspirator:]

They couldn’t have zazzed up the Lincoln Assassination? What this movie could use is a hip-hop song based on its title and a giant mechanical walking spider. —Leftylad

[I for one think that every movie could only be made better with a giant spider and a friendly hip hop tune. What what? Yeaaah.

Jeebus, but Mystique seems to have a gigantic forehead, doesn’t she? And the posters for that movie are kind of ridiculous. Protoguy says it best:]

Starting to look like The League of Extraordinarily Douchey Gentleman.

I hear Mystique’s powers include echolocating her prey. —Protoguy

[And finally…Carol’s comment on this post cracked me up but hard. I mean, it can only be a joke, right? People like this just do not wonder into Pajiba. There are BSlims here that do not sleep.:]

Some of those making comments here sound less educated and refined than chimpanzees. Learn to speak with respect for others who may not care to read your profanity. —Carol

Indeed Carol. Why, my monocle fell directly into my snifter when I saw what foul language was bestowed upon mine tender eyes.

Carol seems to have a sand like powdery substance inside her vaginal area. —BarbadoSlim


What better way to end the run than with a throwback to Ye Olde Sandy Vagina (look it up in the dictionary noob), amirite?

That’s it for me, folks. It’s been rad. I’ll miss it, but to be perfectly honest: I miss my sanity more. Ciao!

Figgy has a blog here , in case you miss her too much. But she shall always remain in Pajiba. In your hearts. And across the street from your house, watching you. Following you. Loving you. Forever.

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