Eloquent Eloquence: Death By A Thousand Sporks

By Prolixity Julien | Eloquent Eloquence | September 9, 2011 |

By Prolixity Julien | Eloquent Eloquence | September 9, 2011 |

Eloquent Eloquence is a compilation of the ten best comments of the week. Comments in film reviews are not eligible for inclusion.

10. I haven’t been a very happy person since middle school a few years back. It was worse than usual so I decided to go talk with someone. The therapist I saw seemed to be reading from the manual of the good therapist. When I got home I told my mother about her and she deadpanned, “She needs a few suicides under her belt before she figures out how to do her job.” — rio

9. Sarah, I was with you … right up until the moment I skidded into Buscemi. No matter what that man wears, he always looks like Don Knotts on crack. — Carolina Girl

8. You had me at Bag of Dicks. — Greedy

7. I don’t … I don’t think I get it.

Here is a random and pointless list of words to couple your random list of movies.

1. Baffling
2. Coconut
3. Charisma
4. Poop
5. Domination
6. Eager
7. Asparagus
8. Down
9. Ticket
10. Haberdashery — superasente

6. You forgot the FOURTH option for castration; being endlessly jabbed and stabbed in the scrotum by an assault of disgruntled movie-goers one at a time who are each armed with plastic cutlery- better known as …

Death By A Thousand Sporks. — bluejayone

5. Dear Whoever Is In Charge Of These Things:

I know this time yesterday I was asking you to kill me, but I’ve changed my mind. Please wait to kill me until after Community and Breaking Bad have ended. I will try to refrain from begging for sweet, sweet release until then.

Thanks for listening!

P.S. If the Blu ray edition release date of The West Wing is within 3 months after the aforementioned show finales, please stay death until after I’ve seen the first four seasons. Kill me right before I decide to watch the last three just for the sense of completion. — Three-nineteen

4. “Slimer was gay.”

Fucking FINALLY. Thank you. A thousand times over, thank you.

I can’t wait to print this out, duct-tape it to a brick and chuck the fucking thing through my ex-wife’s windshield, especially seeing how this subject was a major contributing factor in our marriage falling apart.

Sincerely,
Jeremy. — Skitz

3. Also, I’ve been yelling “MARS ATTACKS!” when I whip it out for years. — D-Day

2. Nicknames for lady area? What’s wrong with ‘kitchen’?

Hey-yo! Up top!

/sorry about the rape culture — really

(Publisher’s note: “Really’s” IP was banned two days later.)

1. If his wheelchair still had a charge, Christopher Reeve would be rolling in his grave. — admin