Eloquent Eloquence, climb mount molehill edition, is a compilation of the best comments of the week. Comments in non-Dustin reviews are ineligible for inclusion, unless otherwise directed by said aforementioned Overlord, blessings and praise be upon him
“I have to say, this is the most intelligent comment discussion I have EVER read on any website, ever. Kudos to the author and kudos to the respectful readers and commenters as well.” Gem
The Concussion review was superlative, the comments magnificent.
• The I Think That Tom Hardy Gif Just Got Me Pregnant Comment of the Week goes to KatSings but it was badkittyuno who brought it home:
I *am* pregnant, but I’m worried my husband may no longer be the father.
• The Again with the Tom Hardy? Comment of the Week goes to David Plunk who indeed correctly referenced the Universal Standards of Manliness.
And he broke Batman. Nothing is more manly than that.
• The JESUS! Comment of the Week goes to Pajiba_Pragmatist who so enjoys a nice, “I hate to tell you, but…”:
The number of people who walked away is pretty darn sad. There was no knife or gun in evidence, so stopping and calling 911 was something that you could do without putting yourself at risk.
The flipside though - I had a good friend who was kidnapped, and her reactions are something I keep in mind when I leap to judge.
She was visiting family in Brazil when a group of her 20 something friends decided to go to the beach. They took their four-wheeler to a portion of the beach off the beaten path, and set up towels. about 20 minutes after arriving, a group of men came out of the jungle abutting the beach, waved guns at the bikini-clad girls and one boy, and demanded the car keys. They gave the keys over, and then the men demanded the girls get into the back of the car.
Now my friend says that they all pretty much knew that this was a death sentence, but she said something that stuck with me: “First, you are in shock, but second, and more important, your whole body and mind are committed to living just one more second.” Essentially the desire to live even one more second entirely overpowers the logical part of your brain that says ‘if you do it, you will die later’. Your mind fixates on the certainty of the ‘later’ part rather than the certainty of the “die” part.
Now in her case, they were able to beg out of the car by convincing the kidnappers that they were local girls, just like their sisters/mothers. But they did pull them out of the car and move to execute them, just stopping at the last second to drive off.
The desire to live (flight) is incredibly powerful, even in the face of overwhelming evidence that “fight” is the better response.
• The And It’s In Black and White… Why???? Comment of the Week goes to Mora Lawson with a tip’o’the giant trucker cap to kilmo:
Because it’s hard to string together enough Instagram shots to fill out an hour and a half.
• The Golf Clap for Rancor Comment of the Week goes to yocean, although Harvey Weinstein thought it a bit tepid:
I’m a dramatic writer learning ropes in producing and has few producer friends and I assure you, Bradley, THIS IS HOW NOT TO BE A PRODUCER YOU TESTICLE BRAINED, GOLD FOAMING EGO-MORONIC DUMBASS! Y!OU GIVE PRODUCING A BAD NAME!
• The Some of Us Still Aren’t Over Myrna Loy Comment of the Week goes to Puddin, whose choices are likewise excellent:
Fey. Always Fey. She’s the Chanel suit of lady crushes. Well, actually Carol Burnett is the Chanel suit of lady crushes, but Tina Fey is definitely a pair of classic Gucci aviators.
Lena Dunham is a knock off LV bag you buy in an alley in Santa Monica.
• The But for the Upvotes, I Would Have Gone with the “Totally Awesome Arm-Cock” One Comment of the Week goes to zeke_the_pig. You were en fuego, dude!:
Fuck me that Hitch poster is a time capsule. It should be in a goddamn museum, where it could sit, highlighting and warning against that one infinitesimally small window of time in the mid-2000s when the combination of a blazer with an open, un-tucked shirt over a tucked-in t-shirt was deemed an acceptable enough combination to put on a movie poster. We’re gonna look back on that poster the same way we look back at hairspray in ‘86 and flannel in ‘92. Worse; hell, at least those looks lasted a few years each. That diabolical monstrosity Will Smith is sporting was a thing for about 25 minutes on a Wednesday afternoon in 2005. There must’ve been a gas leak.
• The Stop Blaming the Internet! Comment of the Week goes to TherecanbeonlyoneAdmin. The “internet” is touching you right now, isn’t it?:
The internet touches me inappropriately while I’m at work. You’d think that I’d learn to avoid the internet’s windowless van but the candy enclosed within is too much to resist.
• The How Does Robot Puberty Work, Anyway? Comment of the Week goes to Quatermain with a top’o’the hat to Bert_McGurt:
It probably involves sudden antenna extensions and emissions of hydraulic fluid in the night.
• The Comment of the Week Comment of the Week goes to Corey Atad for whatever the hell this is:
Okay, but what if you take that hamster, put it in a freezer, thaw it out in a microwave 300 years later and use it to power an electric generator? What then???