Eloquent Eloquence: B*TCHCEPTION! Edition *BRAAAAAAAAAAM*

By Mrs. Julien | Eloquent Eloquence | January 18, 2013 |

By Mrs. Julien | Eloquent Eloquence | January 18, 2013 |

Eloquent Eloquence, BITCHCEPTION! edition *BRAAAAAAAAAAM*, is a compilation of the best comments of the week. Comments in non-Dustin reviews are ineligible for inclusion.

There is a link in the commenter’s name that will take you to the original post.

• The Layers of Funny Comment of the Week goes to L.O.V.E. who also has layers, like an onion, or maybe a parfait:

The ball on that guy to sue a newspaper for libel, make that newspaper spend a small fortune to defend itself, and then collect an award for libel when he knew he was a cheat that whole time.

• The Plus Both of Them Can Run in Heels and Fit into Each Other’s Clothing Comment of the Week goes to koko temur:

man, “Buffy” had so much wit, you kinda forget how action packed it was and how well that action was made for such a small budget . it’s just like Prince keep distracting people from his musical talent with blatant weirdness.

• The Words to Live, But Not Necessarily Breathe, By Comment of the Week goes to Bodhi for an observation that lifts and separates us all:

I understand what you mean, but never underestimate the awesomeness of a well-fitting foundation garment.

• The Plinth Punim Comment of the Week goes to zeke_the_pig. It’s a category requiring ancient magicks, so he should be very excited:

I’m surprised there’s any of Josh Hutcherson’s face left, what with the pagans having lugged so much of it across England to make Stonehenge.

• The Don’t They Keep More in the Banana Stand? Comment of the Week goes to foolsage, but I fail to see why this would be a bad thing:

Good Lord. I think you just used up nearly 10% of our national sarcasm reserves for today. Another post like that will leave half of New York unable to communicate until sunset.

Your points are quite sound though. AD is hardly a cash grab.

• The Add Pajiba Eloquent to Your Cadre of Weapons Comment of the Week goes to InternetMagpie, although, truthfully, it’s a little flimsy for proper cudgeling:

I can’t wait to pass the GRE so I can use my prep books as a weapon against self-doubt.

I recently mastered a pot roast. I will carry my dutch oven around as a weapon against self-doubt.

I can’t wait to get in shape so I can use my arms as a weapon against self-doubt.

• The Someone’s Being Doing Her Kegels Comment of the Week goes to Courtney Enlow. Ladies, can’t we all just get along?:

I think my vagina just leaped off my body to strangle you with jealousy. Ignore her. She’s nuts.

• The I’d Pommel His Horse Anytime Comment of the Week goes to John W. Stay limber big fella:

Superman looks like he’s being led to do his floor routine at the next Olympics.

• The Someone Is Back in Form Comment of the Week goes to bleujayone. Show off:

*Cue Daniel Stern Narration with accompanying somber acoustic guitar;

“…and it was about that time that Winnie Cooper was labeled the Ellen Ripley of the Outback. She had discovered a previously unknown species of giant carnivorous marsupial and proceeded to hunt it back into extinction all in one blood-soaked weekend. Years later, I met Winnie again at a deli in New York City. We talked about the past and she seemed much like her old self. The deep disfiguring scars on her were hardly noticeable at that moment. That afternoon would be remembered as one of the nicer times of my life….well….it WOULD have been had I not made the mistake of triggering flashbacks in her by absentmindedly ordering the deviled ham for lunch. The doctor says the butter knife missed the important parts of my brain, otherwise I would have earned a trained Capuchin monkey to wipe my ass for the rest of my days…”

• The Comment of the Week Comment of the Week goes to TenaciousJP . That thread was Sophie’s Choice, so enjoy your survivor’s guilt, TenaciousJP!:

Ants in the Pants.

A sadistic mob boss uses African Fire Ants to coerce his rivals. But what happens when the ants get in his pants? The answer is blood. Lots of blood.

Starring Chisitopher Walken and Bobcat Goldthwait. Directed by Eli Roth.