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Eloquent Eloquence: About that "Downton Abbey" Porn Title

By Mrs. Julien | Eloquent Eloquence | June 15, 2012 |

By Mrs. Julien | Eloquent Eloquence | June 15, 2012 |

Eloquent Eloquence is a compilation of the ten best comments of the week. Comments in reviews are not eligible for inclusion.

There is a link in the commenter’s name that will take you to the original post.

  • The They Still Make Chiclets? Comment of the Week goes to TheOriginalMRod. The cocaine is free, the gum will cost you:

    You really shouldn’t be expected to walk on stilts when you live on a diet of Chick-lets and cocaine.

  • The Does This Count as Poe’s Law? Comment of the Week goes to KatSings on the tough choice in choosing between Neil Patrick Harris and Ellen Degeneres as the most likable gay person:

    THIS IS LIKE SOPHIE’S CHOICE! Gay Sophie’s Choice. It’s the most Fabulous Choice there is.

  • The Exactly, People. That’s What I’m Talking About Comment Goes to dahlia6 for understanding the difference between fartsucker and racist humor.

    Here’s perhaps a big load of naivety, but here you go. Why do we have to say mean and hurtful things like this? I’m not advocating a namby-pamby approach to all conversation, mind you. Asshole is one of my favorite words. My nickname for my dad is ‘that asshole’ or ‘that son of a bitch’ depending on my mood. But seriously, what does calling someone a ‘nappy headed ho’ bring to the conversation? If communication has a transfer of benefits relationship to the people conversing, what does this add? Why is racism considered funny? I’ll call someone an asshole, a raging cockface, or a fartsucker all day long, but I honestly don’t understand why calling someone the n-word, or making fun of their race/gender/sexual orientation is considered to be a funny thing.

    And for what its worth, I grew up in the asshole of eastern Kentucky, the boil on the wart of the hemmoroid of the anus of the world. And I never found racism funny.

    Calling someone a raging fartsucker, however, is hilarious.

  • The Debate of Real Versus Fictional Breasts Continues Comment of the Week goes to Bert_the_Pajibian, but I’m pretty sure he’s still lazy:

    I’m not lazy, the problem is that the books only TALK about boobs.

  • The No Comment Comment of the Week goes to Slash:

    RE “This woman on the treadmill next to me would rather be at home rubbing her cooter.”

    You can probably safely assume that about all the women at the gym.

    • The Bitch Slap Comment of the Week goes to BiblioGlow. Well-played, sir or madam:

    Well it’d be weirder if he only misspelled it half the time, wouldn’t it? Misspelling it the entire time means he was simply mistaken (and, therefore, deserves to die engulfed in flames for the crime of Being Less Than Perfect on the Internet. Or so we can infer from your comment). Misspelling it half the time would imply that he simply got so distracted during the article that he stopped paying attention. There’d have to be something pretty damn distracting in an article for that to happen…

  • The This One Goes Out to the ESL Teachers Comment of the Week goes to Nick D’Angelo. Let’s make a cloze exercise out of it:

    “The Penis/Vagina Cobras”

    I don’t know whether to start a band, or a street gang in a country where English is a second language

  • The Do You Think the Vagina Cobras Could Take Calculus Ninjas in a Fight? Comment of the Week goes to bleujayone. Start filling the pool with water, I’ll go get 73 boxes Jello:

    “Yeah. Sir Isaac Newton: Action Hero. Obviously.”

    — Really, Rob Cohen. What, does ole Sir Issac wield an arsenal of deadly trick apples? Does he partner up with Blaise Pascal, I’ll wager? Do they fight off hoards of Calculus Ninjas? Will they be in search of the Archimedes Heat Ray before it falls into the hands of the evil mastermind René Descartes?

    Can he rescue Gottfried Wilhelm Leibniz from the vile clutches of the Red Ink Cult & Coin Co. before marks are due at University of Cambridge? And what are the odds that everything I just pulled out of my ass is tenfold more awesome than anything that Rob Cohen produces?

    Find out soon in a theater near you!!!!

  • The It’s Math AND Douchery All in One Delicious Equation Comment of the Week goes to Miss Laaw-yuhr. Your comment is verbal napalm, baby.

    Ah, the sweet nectar of hypocrisy. If I were to reduce this to a matchemtical formula:

    [John (Your body is a wonderland + JLoHew) (Shadow days + Jennifer Anniston) Mayer + racist penis] / [Taylor (Sparkle Guitar) Swift + Dear John = John Mayer TEARS

    Yeah, ok, I’m not really good at math, it’s just that his douchery is such that I have an almost irrepressible urge to slap him in a dramatic, old world fashion - possibly with gloves in my hand.

  • The Comment of the Week Comment of the Week goes to AudioSuede who has a new career ahead of him:

    “DOWNFIST ABBEY!” — Porn director who’s been trying ALL DAY to think of a good porn parody for Downton Abbey.