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Eloquent Eloquence: A Princess Bride Brewery? Anybody Want a Peanut Brown Ale? What About a Prince Humperdunkel?

By Mrs. Julien | Eloquent Eloquence | June 29, 2012 |

By Mrs. Julien | Eloquent Eloquence | June 29, 2012 |

Eloquent Eloquence is a compilation of the ten best comments of the week. Comments in reviews are not eligible for inclusion.

There is a link in the commenter’s name that will take you to the original post.

This got science-y and philosophical, there were bi*chslaps and counter-slaps, plus a gif of The Hulk smashing something. I don’t know what it was, but I know it isn’t any more.

The Dancing Matt Makes Him Squishy Comment of the Week goes to pageslave. Pull yourself together, man!

goddamn it, Matt!

he invades my barbwire surrounded compound that i keep my peep in, feeds the dobermans a big steak, charms the guards with witty repartee, wanders into the secret vault and drags me into the frilly breakfast nook i hide from everyone for waffles with chocolate chips and whip cream smiley faces.


syria broke my heart.

but houston and league city represent

The Is This Thing On? Comment of the Week goes to superasente. Is this funny? Are we allowed to laugh?:

I actually have Lou Ferrigno’s phone number. For some strange reason he never picks up.

The And Now I Can’t Unsee It Comment of the Week goes to Miley’s Virus. Do you think he has a bagel setting?:

Krasinski’s head is way too large to be non-threatening. It’s like one of those giant 8-slice toasters turned on its end. How can anyone relax near that thing?

The And Then She Took Off Her Glasses Comment of the Week goes to Sara_Tonin00. You know Tina Fey would totally pick Duckie!

Tina Fey is the post-makeover chick from every teen comedy ever, isn’t she?

The Which Do You Suggest with a Nice MLT? Comment of the Week goes to branded_redux. Is there any leftover As You Wishky?

Now I just want to start a Princess Bride-based brewery. Hippopotamic Land Mass Stout, Left-Handed IPA, Anybody Want a Peanut Brown Ale, and, of course, Prince Humperdunkel.

The Captious Pedantry Comment of the Week goes to Pajiba_Pragmatist Next up, the air-speed velocity of swallows carrying coconuts:

So, the “vaguely human bipeds” are small enough to ride on hummingbirds. At that size/weight, the human would probably be able to fall through the forest and land on dirt without any significant injuries. Hummingbirds weigh between 2 and 20 grams - let’s assume those are on the larger size, so let’s use 20 grams. Horses can carry about 25% of their weight, but they don’t have to fly, so let’s assume a crazy high estimate of 10%, putting our Humans at 2 grams. A penny weighs 2.5 grams, so lighter than a penny and far more surface area. Given average wind resistance, let’s figure he is going to hit the ground at 30 mph. The kinetic energy of an object weighing 2 grams traveling at 30 mph or 13 m/s is .0176 J.

In plain english, there ain’t a whole lot of mass there to make anything happen

The But At Least It’s Not Newark Comment of the Week goes to bleujayone who quips safe from his bunker in T-Dot.

“How you gonna convince me to leave Detroit?”

— Because…’s….DETROIT?!?!?!? Is there really any other argument needed? I mean it’s not like he proposing they move to Calcutta. Nahhh. I’d rather stay in a dying and decaying city with a shrinking population, crumbling infrastructure, massive unemployment and one of the highest violent crime rates in the country.

Let’s try that scene again…

“Baby, I got a job offer as an FBI profiler, but we’re going to have to move from Detr-“

“Forget the packing! We can buy all new stuff when we get there!”

The I Tease Because I Love Comment of the Week goes to Bert_the_Pajibian . RobP fixed the typo, but the internet is forever:

But wait — how will the nobel tyrannosaur ever get revenge against the dreaded raptors?!

Well, a true Nobel Tyrannosaur would probably use dynamite.

The Cautionary Tale Comment of the Week goes to Posted by: ,. I know I’m dying to find out how that last sentence was going to end, aren’t you?

We’re so very sorry. We used to be snarky like that here all the time, it was GREAT! We eviscerated movies and TV shows and each other with gleeful abandon!

And then …

And then Dustin got babies and become a woman (or vice versa) and before you know it things got PC-ed out the ass, and now even Pookie is sometimes civil, and Barbado Slim … (crosses self and whispers) dear God in heaven, Barbado Slim just … sort of … went missing, without explanation. He vanished so completely there wasn’t even enough of him left to make an episode of “Disappeared.” So many places in the ocean they could have dropped him. No doubt he’s crab chum by now.

As for me … I’m kind of stuck here at Pajiba because the mortgage on my PajiMansion is underwater and besides, I’m old and have accumulated too much baggage and moving is such a pain in the ass, so I take the continuing assault to my dignity. And take it. They have their tentacles in me.

But you, dear erich, you have no reason not to RUNTHEFUCKAWAY! RUN LIKE A MOTHERFUCKER! Run from here as fast as you fucking can! Don’t let Pajiba seep into you. Don’t let it steal your brain, man! They’ll absorb you too! They’ll make you just like ONE OF THEM! They’ll cut off you

The Comment of the Week Comment of the Week goes to QueeferSutherland because with 41 upvotes, it’s clear no-one enjoys a good GOP co-opting as much as the Pajiberate:

Game of Thrones features cunning wealthy people ruling an unhappy lower class, gay characters who must hide who they are, and a 700 mile Wall solely designed to keep foreigners from taking over a land filled with white people. Not hard to see why the GOP is on this train.

Wuthering Heights by Emily Brontë | People Like Us Review: It's Up To Me Now, My Daddy Has Gone Away

Dustin is the founder and co-owner of Pajiba. You may email him here, follow him on Twitter, or listen to his weekly TV podcast, Podjiba.