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Does this Rope Make My Hands Look Fat? and the 10 Best Comments of the Week

By Prolixity Julien | Eloquent Eloquence | March 9, 2012 |

By Prolixity Julien | Eloquent Eloquence | March 9, 2012 |

Eloquent Eloquence is a compilation of the ten best comments of the week. Comments in reviews are not eligible for inclusion.

There is a link in the commenter’s name that will take you to the original post.

I was poking around in old articles and found this. We didn’t have EE at the time and it needs to be acknowledged:

Can anyone convince me that Trump’s coif isn’t, in fact, a heavily sedated fennec fox? Anyone? - Revenant Shadow July 30, 2011

10. I suspect this was very clever, but I didn’t understand a word of it.

9. “Does this smell like chloroform to you?”

“Does this rope make my hands look fat?”

“Do you prefer the white panel van, or the brown delivery truck?” - Mrcreosote

8. You shut your whore mouth, FabMax. Jon Bon Jovi and Nickelback might be at the same lame place now, but he started out rawking. His is the kind of lameness you EARN through YEARS of HARD WORK and DUES and HAIR-FEATHERING. Do you honestly think he could have been an awkward love interest during the death throes of “Ally McBeal” if he hadn’t recorded “Living on a Prayer” years earlier? He was laying the groundwork, man. Nickelback tried to skip all the greatness and go straight to being horribly lame, and we all recognized them for the greedy poseurs they were and are.

I hope you are suitably ashamed of yourself now. - Craig

7. That footage is so fletch. - branded

6. So, football movies are Twilight movies for men? - the other courtney

5. I was having a shitty day until I saw a video of two Christian homophobic men discussing how perfectly a banana fits into a man’s mouth. Proof of God’s love, INDEED.

Thank you, Pajiba. - idgiepug

4. Dustin could write an article entitled “Why I Think Ice Cream Is Tasty” and by the twentieth comment someone would already have made comparisons to politics, rape, and/or the decline of American values under the oppresive boot of big business.

You guys crack my shit up. - Seriously though, ice cream is fucking delicious.

3. There is a very small chance I would stop bitching about my pety problems for a few seconds and bask in the greater light of the universe. Then I’d go back to bitching that my coffee was a little bitter and someone I’ve never met sent me a crabby email. But, for a few instants I’d be one transcendent motherfucker. And really, that’s all we can hope for. - Mrcreosote (Yes, AGAIN)

2. …And now time for the WTF 4’s up to the minute gay-bashing traffic report with our queer eye in the sky, Blair Reynolds from Whirlybird 4. What’s it like from up top, Blair?

Well Bob….we seem to have a Kirk Cameron jackknifed over on the High Horse Overpass. It looks like a real messy logjam over there right now as the driver seems insistent on just bulling his way out on his own power. He’s not regarding anyone else right now except…..Whoa! Now the driver is just hurling insults at passing cars. They’re really old insults too, Bob. They aren’t so doing so much damaging to the other cars but boy they are ricocheting back on him and they really make him look like a total asshole. There does appear to be some help coming in the form of a 700 Club tow truck. I’m not even sure he’s a member of that service, but it seems he’ going to get some help offered anyway. No. No…. My mistake, he’s waving them off. He’s going back to his original strategy of just running over every VW Beetle and Honda Civic he can find. I really don’t see what he’s hoping to accomplish….. Oh, and look at that! The wheels of his sluggish career just went flying off! All of them at once! Wow. And that just caused him to drop his entire payload. It looks like….yes it is….30,000 Pounds of Bananas! That’s great if you’re a Harry Chaplin enthusiast, but not so good if you’re the Kirk Cameron Express. And…I don’t believe this, he’s getting out of the cab and trying to reload his flatbed by hand. It’s an ungodly mess! He’s slipping and sliding around in squashed arguments. He’s not getting anywhere, it’s just an embarrassing site.

So to sum up….please avoid the High Horse Overpass, the driver has gone completely bananas, and it’s just a clusterfuck of twisted logic and bumper to bumper gridlock there right now and I just don’t see an ending in the immediate future. From Whirlybird 4, this has been your WTF 4 gay-bashing traffic report. I’m Blair Reynolds, back to you, Bob. - bleujayone

1. Having never seen Dr. Who (gasp), I can’t comment on Matt Smith’s charisma or acting. But comparing those two in the looks department…


visually interesting
__________________________ the line
kinda weird/creepy

Smith - Posted by: e

Wildwood by Colin Meloy | This Is Not A Film Review | Message in a Bottle

Dustin is the founder and co-owner of Pajiba. You may email him here, follow him on Twitter, or listen to his weekly TV podcast, Podjiba.