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Robin Ondine

By Genevieve Burgess | DVD Releases | September 21, 2010 |

By Genevieve Burgess | DVD Releases | September 21, 2010 |

Ondine: “Sounds promising, no? Yet when you come through the doors, you’re face to face with a bloated, soggy-fried lumps of still-partially frozen clams version of a fairy tale that leaves you nauseous. Ondine is Jordan’s inside out version of the legend of the selkie. Except it gets parboiled and leeched of all color through a filter of misbegotten Irish woe. The strangest part is the acting’s better than fine, albeit peppered with a bevy of confounding accents, but the story lolls about like a beached whale seeking death. Oddly enough, the selkie tale is usually one of unvarying sexual domination and cruelty, which Jordan totally warps and triumphs over, only to offer up the tits of his titular heroine in states of constant semi-nudity. It ends up as more of an advertisement for Victoria’s Secret of Roan Inish. Any semblance of joy or wit or pleasure gets drowned under a lagging pace, a carapace-crushingly stupid plot, and a fishy twist that I had wished for and was sorely sorrowful I received. It’s the kind of bedtime story you tell your children if you hate them and want them to wet the bed so you have a viable excuse for beating them.” - Brian Prisco

Robin Hood: “Finally, and perhaps most disconcerting, is that this Robin Hood shares little in common with the Robin Hood with which most of us are familiar. There’s only a passing nod to the “steal from the rich, given to the poor” legacy of the character. In fact, Ridley Scott’s origins story renders much of Prince of Thieves moot. It’s fair, I suppose, to screw with our contemporary perception of Robin Hood since he is a fictional character with no real source material. He’s a product of folklore, which means that Scott — and screenwriter Brian Helgeland — could play fast and loose with the storyline. The result is something almost akin to Robin Hood meets Forrest Gump. This Robin Hood has his hand in a lot of other storylines: There’s a little King Arthur, some Braveheart, a generic back story to the back story, a bit of Joan of Arc, a dash of Saving Private Ryan and even a touch of The Proposal slipped in (I guess you need to cover all your demographic bases). In fact, in this version of events, Robin Hood very nearly compelled King John to sign the Magna Carta, fought against the Muslims in the Crusades, and faced off against the French forces of King Phillip, on a beach no less. Because, why not? And we won’t even begin to get into the liberties that Ridley Scott took with English history.” - Dustin Rowles

Also released this week: Directors: Life Behind the Camera, The Experiment, The Secret in Their Eyes

Genevieve Burgess is a Features Contributor for Pajiba. You can follow Genevieve Burgess on Twitter.

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