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The Zombie Apocalypse Has Arrived

By TK Burton | Comment Diversions | September 16, 2009 |

By TK Burton | Comment Diversions | September 16, 2009 |

Today’s Comment Diversion was inspired by Eloquent Lizzie Borden. Upon her asking me the questions, I realized that it might be one of my favorites of all time.

Given our blatant love of all things zombie-related, it’s a question that is near and dear to my heart. So here goes, along with my answers. It’s a two parter:

The zombie apocalypse has arrived. Your enemies, friends, loved ones and neighbors are being torn apart, or worse, turned into more flesh-eating soulless undead.

1) What is your weapon of choice? Just one weapon. It must be real, not imaginary. My original answer was an M1A1 Abrams Tank, but that’s almost cheating. So I’m going to go with a good old fashioned machete — it’s light, easy to wield, doesn’t run out of ammo, and leaves one hand free (unless I’m using two simultaneously). Guns? Handy, of course, but what about when you run out of bullets? And we’ve all seen the movies… you will run out of bullets. Plus… I like the close work.

2) Pick two people to flank you as you charge into the horde. Real or fictional.

Answer: Now, I know the easy answer would be, you know, Superman, or Galactus, or something equally ridiculous. But that’s too easy, and not nearly as fun. So I’m going to go with either Ash, in chainsaw-hand and boomstick mode, or Darth Maul — I figure a two-headed lightsaber and the Force has gotta come in handy. The second would be my friend Ervie, because a) he’s good in a fight, b) he knows how to fix a car, which will be critical during the invasion, and c) he’s a drunk, and I’m gonna need someone to party with.

Alright people. Let’s get it on.

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TK Burton is the Editorial Director. You may email him here or follow him on Twitter.