Every year at this time, we come together for a celebration of beauty, body and the most equal opportunity objectification your Internet money can buy (we deal in hotness a currency. It’s all about the Benedicts, baybay).
Sure, it’s a survey with results tallied to display the shared spaces of the Venn diagrams of our collective alone-bone-zone fantasy subjects. But the Pajiba 10 is not mere list population. It’s a place of honesty, a safe space to share your most private desires. We won’t judge you here.
That was a funny joke I told. I’m always judging you. ALWAYS. With love though; it’s basically my version of a hug.
We each have our freebies, admitted or not, that we know go largely unshared by the rest of society. Because society is stupid and that’s why Ashton Kutcher is still a thing.
So, my For Your Consideration? An invitation to wave your freak flag high. Celebrate the hotties boombalotties that the rest of us just don’t get. Open our eyes to treasures unknown, perhaps in the hopes that we too may want to tap that like a naughty maple tree.
Or, maybe we won’t. But it’s still time to speak your sexy truth. I’ll go first.
There’s always a spot in my list (and my pants-mouth) for one man: Trey Parker.
Make that two men: Trey Parker and Matt Stone.
I love them dearly, but I’ve always had a soft spot (yep, that one) for Trey. He has always struck me as the tiniest bit damaged. And, I’ll tell you what, a tiny bit damaged is pretty much my wheelhouse. If a man’s a tiny bit damaged, so are my underpants. With, like, enjoyment—not with anything gross. That was a weird way to say that. What I’m saying is he could put his face in my place.
While singing this song, specifically.
Or that one. Fill that emptiness, Trey.
They can enjoy a cocktail or two.
We’d all love to party with them.
They’re massively talented. Multitalented. EGOTs, even (well, EGOT nominees, but I’m not here to quibble).
They’ve got balls.
And, yes, while I want to have many types of hand holdings and tongue kissings with them, I also totally dig their cute significant others (Matt’s wife, Angela / Trey’s fiance, Boogie). Also, they’ve made them dads (Matt and Angela have two kids, Trey and Boogie are expecting their first, and they’re raising Boogie’s son) infinitely increasing their hotness.
They’ve got all kinds of friends in high places!
They’re so excited that you love them.
They looked good when they started out.
But they’re aging very well.
Downright elegant, even.
And they totally know how to dress.
Except for when they don’t. The ’90s were a weird time.
They fully accept your objectification.
They’re still, after all these years, super besties to the max.
Their man love is God. Let’s go get a slushie.
They don’t even know how hot they are.
I mean, they’re humble guys. Do you think they’d even know how to handle the things the fangirls say about them, or the slashfic?
And, if you’re a guy? You can totes like that. It doesn’t make you a queer or nothin’.
So, make your list as you see fit. But, remember, Matt and Trey want YOU…
…to have a shpadoinkle day.
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