You know how it is. There you are just moseying about your day, nothing particularly exciting, nor anything horrible has made its mark. At some point you find yourself in the middle of a conversation, maybe with someone you thought well of—a friend, a coworker, possibly even your boss. And suddenly, in the middle of a sentence, you hear it; you bristle. That cartoony screeching to a halt sound plays in your head and from that point on, you can’t focus on the rest of what the person is saying. You feel an overwhelming urge to put on a pair of leather gloves and heartily slap the person in the face. (It’s not just me, right?) But instead, you just stand there, nodding and smiling and waiting for the person to walk away, after which you go over the word in your head, wondering how it all could go so wrong. How a person can take something so simple and twist it up, mangle it and vomit it out like some misshapen, half-digested unidentifiable hunk of food he had the night before (what the fuck was that?) I know all my fellow liberals experienced simultaneous involuntary grimacing every time GW said, “Nu-cue-ler;” thank Godtopus he’s out of office, right? But what is that one word that rips your insides apart when you hear it? What combination of letters, incorrectly pronounced, brings you to your knees like an overdose of kryptonite?
For me, it is: realtor. Simple, right? Real-tor. So why, why, why do people feel the need to add an entire extra, non-existant syllable and say, “real-uh-ter?” WHY, WHY, WHY? Some (and no, they’re not from the south) even say, “real-lah-ter.” I die. I “lit-trah-lee” die.
Anyway, what’s yours? What the word that makes you feel crazy enough to slap someone? And don’t pretend you don’t get that feeling, I know you do. If you don’t, watch this and you will: