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What's In a Name?

By Tater Barley Banks | Comment Diversions | September 18, 2010 |

By Tater Barley Banks | Comment Diversions | September 18, 2010 |

Their name is Banks.

She’s a Steelers fan. He’s a Cowboys fan. Inexplicably, they married anyway, and even more astonishingly, they procreated two adorable little boys, who for purposes of this diversion I shall refer to as Thing Steel 1 and Thing Landry 2.

(Oh yes they did, football fans, and now feel free to question the lengths of your devotion to your own team, loser.)

When Thing 1 was in utero, his mother (my niece) sent us sonogram photos for which she referred to the little nugget of life therein as “Tater-tot,” which he entirely resembled and whom I henceforth referred to as Tater.

We once visited them in the southern city where they live, and they took us to a fantabulous pizza and beer joint called Barleys, where we proceeded to eat fantabulous pizza and drink fantabulous beer and where I was so happy I bought a fantabulous T-shirt.

Anyway, when they were fishing around for names for the aforementioned Thing Steel 1, I suggested Tater Barley Banks. I said that boy is destined to grow up to be a quarterback. You can just hear the stadium announcer intoning that name into the North Carolina sky on a Friday night, can’t you? The boy would go on to lead UNC to the national championship and the Steelers to the Super Bowl and …

A quarterback. Or a drunk. Sometimes one and the same (see: Roethlisberger, Ben).

And she was all, “I don’t think so.”

Even when I offered them a more than generous $10 million inheritance.

“I don’t think so.”

Suit yourself. You’re cut off, bitch.

And thus was Tater Barley Banks never born.

Until I started doing this shtick for Pajiba and Dustin informed me I needed something resembling an actual name to use as a byline (I had been slumming here as a pronouncable symbol). This was in the interests of looking professional, even if it was pretty damn obvious I’d made up the name out of whole cloth, which I had.

And thus was Tater Barley Banks reborn, and he sits before you now, in power and splendor and glory forever amen.

That’s the story behind the name, and every damn word of it is true.

Your turn. Explain your Pajiba name (Dustin and Skitz are, for obvious reasons, exempted from this exercise). And do you use the same name on other sites where you’re a member, or different names? And why are you visiting other sites, you filthy whoring slut?

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Dustin is the founder and co-owner of Pajiba. You may email him here, follow him on Twitter, or listen to his weekly TV podcast, Podjiba.