Yesterday I realized that the garbageness of our current timeline would be somewhat mitigated if I knew for a fact that Colin Farrell was all mine in an alternate timeline. Just knowing the Other Me is getting that curved Farrell wang, that accent, and that beautiful face all to myself would help me to power through. Why? I don’t know exactly.

WAIT I REMEMBER NOW. HNNNNG.

I also think if I were less of a mess in another timeline, that would help me feel better about being something of a mess in this timeline. Ying and yang, people. You have to have one to have the other. I would feel like I was balancing the universe or something.

So what do you hope Alternate Timeline You is up to?

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Jodi Smith is a Senior Reporter, Film & Television at Pajiba. You can email her or follow her on Twitter.