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Nightmare Before Christmas Wallpaper.jpg

The Nightmare After Christmas

By Tater Barley Banks | Comment Diversions | December 26, 2009 |

By Tater Barley Banks | Comment Diversions | December 26, 2009 |

So … get what you wanted? Find love, contentment and world peace under your Christmas/Hanukkah/Kwanzaa/Festivus/winter solstice tree?

Or was your day the usual annual fiasco of well-intentioned but ill-thought-out gifts, manic children underfoot and forced frivolity with people (such as relatives) you despise?

I really hope it’s the latter, because a diversion full of comments about love and contentment and world peace would, frankly, make me throw up. We’re Pajibans, people! We’re snarky and bitchy! We don’t DO that love and happiness crap. We’re better than that.

(We’re making a lone exception for the fabulous Figgy, who walks down the aisle tomorrow and who we DO hope finds love and contentment, if not world peace, in wedded bliss, plus thousands of toe-curling, screaming, wall-pounding, eyes-rolled-back-in-the-head orgasms in the wedded bed.)

As for the rest of you … spill it. Bitch about your Christmas.

And Dustin! If you don’t mind: One of the best diversions we’ve ever had, IMHO, was the one that asked for “Your Worst Christmas Present.” The level of pathos and despair and misery in that thread was FUCKING AWESOME! and I bet I’m not the only one who would enjoy reading it again. Linkee-linkee here XXXXX, please? Thanks!

TATER BARLEY BANKS is not to be trusted. He probably makes up everything he writes about himself, especially the stuff about living in West Virginia. Don’t be fooled. In truth, he lives in Pajibaland, where he speaks gibberish as , (TCFKAB), spends his time sitting on a park bench, eyeing little girls with bad intent, and is developing a 25-letter alphabet, now that his key doesn’t work. He has no blog, no Facebook page and no MySpace page, so don’t try to find him. If you’re so inclined, you can email Tater.

One Magic Christmas | Sherlock Holmes

Dustin is the founder and co-owner of Pajiba. You may email him here, follow him on Twitter, or listen to his weekly TV podcast, Podjiba.