In my everyday, non-internet life, I tend to socialize with very few people who also double as movie-going buddies, which is fine. I prefer go to the movies by myself since I’m often reviewing whatever I’m watching, but I do haul my daughter and niece along if their school schedules match up with viewing times. My friends also enjoy movies, but we don’t watch films together unless it’s something that we consider to be an “event” movie, i.e. a blockbuster in manner of The Avengers. Strangely enough, my family is pretty weird when it comes to moviegoing. My brother enjoys going to the movies by himself on Sunday mornings, but my dad (who loves movies to an unnatural degree) hasn’t been to a theater since he took us to watch E.T. in 1982. Damn, that realization makes me feel old.
This brings me to my point of sorts. I’ve been suffering from a hip flexor pull and (for the past few weeks) have been frequenting a sports chiropractor for some active reflex therapy. It’s certainly a painful experience and has consumed a great quantity of my thoughts of late because I’m quite anxious to recover from this injury and move on with “life.” These sessions last about 30 minutes and feature the doctor moving my left leg around at bizarre angles while applying pressure on certain muscles to break up scar tissue. I think the painful process is working, but we’ll see, and if I keep laughing at my doctor, it might not work for long. You see, we started talking about films as he had my leg pulled sideways and quite nearly all the way up to my head; then he put all of his weight into one thumb, which was pushing into my traumatized adductor. As you can imagine, it was not a pleasant sensation, and he chose this moment to he confess how much he enjoys watching movies at home, yet he hasn’t visited the theater since Avatar. Watching his reaction (“Three years?!?”) to his own admission was absurd as he continued to virtually murder me with thumb in place and pressing deeply; and in spite of my discomfort, I just couldn’t help but burst into painful laughter.
Since I go to the movies on a near weekly basis, it feels only natural for to me to do so, and anything else seems, well, weird. Yet I suspect that my doctor and my father are not alone. Going to the movies today is a moderate hassle even if (like this doctor) you’re relatively young (mid 30s, I imagine) and have disposable income on your side. He has a wife and a young child, and they’d rather spend their nights at home in front of the flatscreen instead of hauling ass to make a movie time, sitting through a bunch of trailers, and eating a bunch of greasy popcorn and candy that really isn’t worth the expense (monetary or calorie-wise). For many people, home viewing options are so much more enticing than dealing with rude theatergoers, so a movie has to be something that you really want to see. Now, I can’t condone letting Avatar pass as my doctor’s token “event” movie, but there’s truly no accounting for taste.
Are you a closet non-moviegoer who loves watching movies at home? Or do you know one? If so, please confess the last movie watched in a theater by either yourself or the mysterious party that you’re outing in secret over the internet.
Agent Bedhead lives in Tulsa, Oklahoma. She and her little black heart can be found at Celebitchy.