Sorry You, What a Shameful Situation: The Movie Your Friends Want You to Love, but You Hate
Friends. Who needs ‘em? Okay, maybe we do, but do we really have to like the things they like? “Orange Mocha Frappuccinos?” Sometimes we try; we want to please our buddies. They put up with us, after all and we like to give back. But sometimes, having to watch the movies they love is like going through with a blind date, only to find out you’ve been set you up with a short, ugly, semi-haired dude? You might try to get past his outward appearance—not judge a book by its cover and all that, but holy sheet—the cover was the best part. Guy was all clammy hands and nervous lip-licking as he made awkward attempts at conversation until your eyes rolled back in your head. We go through so much for our friends, don’t we? Sometimes we even sit there and watch that movie with them; the one they’ve assured us over and over that we just have to watch. Life cannot go on if we haven’t seen this movie. It’s the one film that Kate Hudson is really, really good in and she totally deserved that Oscar nomination! And so, good friend that you are, you sit there, push past the bad belly feeling, munching half-heartedly on popcorn and chugging a beer. You remind yourself to keep an open mind. The friend—and maybe there’s even a group of friends, all of whom have assured you YOU’LL LOVE IT—cues up the Netflix. You try to forget that you can’t stand the main actor or the chick who plays his girlfriend or romantic comedies or period pieces or epic war films…whatever the case may be. It starts. You watch. You look around at your friends who seem entranced. You wait. Foot taps a bit. The popcorn shoveling pace picks up and you wonder if it’s too soon to get another beer. People are laughing and yet, NOTHING REMOTELY FUNNY has happened. Or, people have sad expressions and you feel like laughing. Whichever situation, your friends are clearly rapt, while your mind wanders off to what you might have for breakfast tomorrow and if you forgot to turn off the dryer before leaving home. The movie goes on and on and on and you feel like the secret to stopping time has finally been discovered; you’ve spent the last two hours questioning how this particular friendship even started. When finally it’s over and your friend excitedly blathers on about that moment when the hamster died—and wasn’t that hamster the cutest thing you’ve ever seen?…so you pretend. You don’t rave, but you’re all, “It was a’ight,” as you think to yourself, “Your mother was a hamster and your father smelt of elderberries.” You mumble your goodbyes and slink out to your car, where you sit with your head in your hands for a while. Ah, friends!
So what is it? What’s the movie your friends want you to love, but you can only despise?